Monét
I woke up to someone stroking my hair gently, I realized that when I'm woken up gently , my day goes well I guess but when I'm woken up aggressively like my mother does, opening the curtains, pulling the blankets off me so I could wake up that's definitely my mom it's annoying because I'll spend my whole day in panic.
But I got used to it though, "Morning, you stayed here?", I asked , she rolled her eyes, "don't roll your eyes at me", I told her and she laughed.
"But you do it all the time", I pout, "that's different", I say , "how's is different?", she asked.
"It's still early to be dramatic", I said smiling, she just rolled her eyes, "I stayed here, Dad said it's fine since we live 3 streets away it isn't far, I didn't want to you leave you alone here and I was tired too", she told me.
She always does , all the time, "Well you could've woken me up and went to bed", I raised by brows at that.
She shaked her head refusing, "I really didn't want to wake you up, you were tired, you also cried at 3am but fell asleep soon after crying when I held you", I cried?
" Oh", I simply said.
She gave me a sympathetic look, "Wanna tell me what is actually wrong? I'm not forcing you if you don't want to, I'm worried that's all", she tells me, I smile, "It's nothing"
Her phone rang before she could say anything, I took this opportunity to go upstairs and take a shower, "Hey babe", she said holding her phone to her ear, l felt my heart sink as I climbed up the stairs.
I never liked the idea of her having a girlfriend, but I could never say that to her , It would be selfish of me to do that to her, her and her girlfriend were dating for two weeks now, you know how it feels when a relationship is new, it feels euphoric, and she's happy why would l take that away from her because of my silly crush of 2 years.
I mastered the art of hiding my feelings and acting nonchalant so that she wouldn't notice it, and she never did because I hid it so well, she never will, a part of me wanted her to know but a part of me also wanted her to never find out.
If it means I should take this secret to the grave I will, unless she finds out in time and forces me to tell her, rather than that, I'll love her with everything in me from a distance it's better that way, better for our friendship, better for her relationship.
I needed to get high , I didn't wanna feel anything right now, I had a stash in my drawers , as I grew older I realized why people smoke and get high , why people drink, they had problems, they had stuff to deal with that were so heavy, some had traumatic experiences and they are trying not feel or trying to forget about them, some use alcohol to get over a breakup, there's such so many reasons but my reasons why I get high was because of my trauma and my feelings for this girl.
I just wanted to not feel , I didn't wanna feel anything at all, weed just made me feel happy, careless that's why I loved it, my mom doesn't know I smoked because she is always away, but my brother did, Taylor did too but she really doesn't know that she's one of the reasons I smoke.
After my last relationship, I promised myself to never fall again, weed became my best friend, that boy broke me , he broke me and l forgot who l really was, he really did his thing.
Taylor came along and I figured I liked girls, falling for a girl is a different kind of feeling, it's beautiful yet painful, but it's good too, went along with it , never questioned my sexuality , never classified myself to certain group, I just liked who liked and that was it.
My room was a smoke cloud , I never smoked in my room I'd always use my balcony but I didn't care right now, the weed was keeping me sane, when I was done I'd go take a shower before Taylor thinks I'm dead in here.
I put my hair in a ponytail, it took forever to grow my hair after I cut it, but it's still growing I'm curly head, I dyed my hair darker shade of red which matched with my caramel skin, l had pouty lips , big baby eyes with long lashes, chubby cheeks , that's why everyone always calls me cute which is annoying sometimes because I want to be beautiful and sexy too.
My stomach was flat because I wasn't eating, I'd eat only if Taylor forced me to, I wasn't skinny or fat, I was just slim thick, it was whatever I really didn't care, tried going to the gym to get back in shape but gave up on the first day I was tired but I tried.
Boys would want me so they can use and toss me aside , girls just wanted to be friends with me because my family is rich so I kept to myself, never spoke to anyone when I went for lectures.
I've had my fair share of fake friends and players , I'm really tired would rather stay single , people always wondered why I never attended parties at my age , 18 is age where you turn wild and do all crazy things, but not me, I wasn't that person I prefer staying inside and getting high, crying everyday to fall asleep, till I pop pills.
Taylor probably thinks you're dead.
I've been in the bathroom for an hour now, I step out and wrap myself in a clean towel, headed to my room to get dressed , "I thought you were dying upstairs, so I came in here and heard the shower, and you were bathing", she tells me she was in a fresh outfit, she just finished bathing too and she smells good, she always does.
"Girl where did you get clothes from?", I ask her.
"Oh in here", she said it so casually, "I have your clothes in here?", she nods.
"We have sleepovers so obviously I might have left some clothes here I don't know how you've never noticed that", she told me grabbing my hair brush to brush her hair.
man this girl is going to be the end of me, how is she so attractive.
"Oh yeah that's crazy let me get changed I have no idea what to wear", I told her wanting to cry, any girl knows how it feels to have clothes but no outfits.
She rolls her eyes, "Wear a dress, a simple dress you know you look good in anything", she smiles.
"Stop flattering me and be serious for once", I told her looking for clothes.
"Did it work?", she asked smirking and I rolled my eyes.
"Whatever I'll find something myself, you are very much useless", I told her, she placed a hand dramatically on her chest, "That's a lie I'm useful , you broke my heart love", she told me , I rolled my eyes, she makes me roll my eyes more than usual.
I found a dress that l haven't worn for a long time, it was grey , it hugged my body beautifully it was a cute dress , I paired it with with my white sneakers and a cute side bag, I debated with doing my make up or not , I decided to go natural, I layed my edges , put some gloss and let my hair fall , and I was ready, "Gosh you take forever to get ready", she told me.
"It's not forever I took 2 hours that's all it's not my fault you take 30 min to get ready", I said.
"You say 2 hours like it's nothing", she tells me standing up from my bed.
I roll my eyes , "it is nothing, stop being dramatic let's go"
She sighs and follows behind me.
-xoxo.
