Anger Management

Chapter 34: Comfort donuts and Movie references

I’m having a blank dream but I’m aware of it. Darkness surrounds me. No light. No noise. Silence. I move myself around and my movements are slowed but fluid. I’m in water. My sense of touch shoots into action. It’s cold and is only growing colder. My breath quickens. The coldness starts to grow higher and higher. Why was it growing? I try to go up not wanting my head to be submerged, but I can’t move, it's as if I’m chained down. I feel myself start to panic in silence. I open my mouth and scream out into the nothingness. I can’t hear myself. I can’t see anything. The water covers me completely and my silent screams never once stop. I feel my chest grow heavier, and suddenly I stop. 

Brrr…. Brrrr…… Brrrrr…… 

I shoot up in my bed, my eyes popping open. I clutch my chest and feel my heart racing my nose inhaling deep heaps of oxygen. I had the dream again. I reach up and push the frizzy hair away from my face, but the thing is, it isn’t frizzy. Instead it's plastered onto my skin from the amount of sweat dripping off of me. This had been happening for the past couple of nights. I had the same pitch black silent soul sucking dream and it was affecting my physical self. I let out a groan and finally reached over to silence my blaring phone, the obnoxious alarm I used during the school year finally going quiet. It was officially my last first day (It’s a senior thing), and I was dreading it. Maybe that stupid dream should’ve taken me away with the darkness. I practically rolled myself out of bed, still clinging to my dark thoughts as I sluggishly move about my room to get what I needed. I throw random clothes on my bed before moving towards my bathroom to prepare for my shower. I sit down on my closed lid toilet, moving robotically to turn on the water in my shower my unblinking gaze unfocused at the wall in front of me.  I continue my dreadful morning process after a couple more minutes of blank wall staring and finally decide to get into the shower moving my head right into the boiling hot stream of wateras soon as I'm in. It felt so nice I even let myself smile a little. I quickly finish my shower routine after that and get out wrapping a towel around my body and an old t-shirt around my head before reentering my room. 

“Well look at that. I managed to pick something presentable.” I mumble to myself as I catch note of what clothes I randomly threw onto my bed. Instead of the usual leggings or sweats that had been lying on my bed the past several days, I picked out a nice pair of fitted jeans and one of my favorite tops.  Looks like luck was on my classmates' side since they didn’t have to see me looking like a slob. I let out another sigh and quickly threw my clothes on since scheduled hours meant no more lollygagging. I put on some no brand tennis shoes before grabbing everything that I needed for the day so I wouldn’t have to come back upstairs. Mentally going over my checklist in my head for the last time I head out of my room and go downstairs. There was no noise besides the creaking of the stairs as I made my way to the kitchen for breakfast. My parents had been required to come in early for the next two months because of a new important campaign project that was for a very important client. I shuffle throughout the sun lit kitchen opening up the fridge and spotting the plate of food waiting for me. 

Happy last first day of high school! We’re so proud that you’ve made it to the end (it is reassuring after the incident in first grade ….. :) Love you lots! - From the best parents ever !!! XOXOXO

I feel my eyes do their daily routine of eye rolling before unsticking the note and pulling the plastic wrap back from my plate of pancakes. There was one thing that could still make me feel an ounce of joy. My mom's pancakes. Ugh I love carbs. My parents were aware of the whole Ashter meltdown. I mean it would be hard not to when I came running into the house and slamming the door after I ran away from Tasha’s party. They were being their silly selves at first but when they realized how serious the situation was they turned on parent mode and gave me all the love I needed. It was a whole week of codling and giving me all the ice cream I could eat. I mean even though I still feel like a dirty rag that has been rubbed against the backs of 10,000 sweaty men, I assured them I was fine. Turns out there was only so much parent mode I could take in the end. It also came with its perks though. Let's just say if my dad saw Ashter on the street he would be a dead man. That little thought runs through my head bringing  me a smidge of  serotonin. Stupid Ashter.  He was the whole reason for me feeling like this.  All depressed and sad, and mean. I was basically Jamie!!!!