ghosts

twenty six

(Y/n) POV

I was lost. In my mind, of course. Los Angeles, on a literal standpoint. I didn't mean to get lost, I didn't mean to run.. walk so far. Why are feelings so hard? Why can't they be easy? I hate feeling like this. "I hate this." I mumbled to myself, turning on another road in hopes that maybe I would be headed back. I keep getting more and more lost though.

It was already night, the moon high up in the sky and stars covered by the lights of the buildings. I watched as cars passed me, those inside watching me slowly walk. Just like the last hour or so, another 30 minutes passed in a few blinks. It seems like I've been turning on roads and walking forever, looking like I'm a homeless person.

I hug myself tighter in hopes to make myself warmer. It doesn't helps when I'm walking to nowhere, in the night. Los Angeles is a lot colder in the night than I last remember it. Maybe it's because last time I was with Shane. Shane.. I really miss Shane.. I let go of a breath, my face scrunches and I frown. "Fuck." I curse under my breath and quickly wipe my tears away. I watch my feet, each step stepping over the tiny cracks with grass growing out of them.

I hear my name, but ignore it as I think it's just the wind or a figment of my imagination, something that could've been just made up. I hear my name again. It can't be a coincidence this time. I look up from the ground, left and right. "(Y/n)!!" A familiar voice called my name and I stopped walking. I turned around, looking to see who was behind me.

It all happened so fast and slow at the same time. The familiarity of his face, the sound of his voice. The man I love standing right in front of me. I swayed for a second or two before taking a large step forward. Another step forward, and another quickly before I picked up the pace until I crashed into him.

My arms quickly flew under his arms and around his torso. He was warm and I didn't want to let go. I gripped his shirt, fingers digging into the cloth. My eyes started to water, though I hate feeling like this. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my back, one hand beginning to move.

"I'm here." I heard him whisper through the sobs, rubbing my back. "I'm here."

"I'm so cold." I cried into his chest, gripping him tighter.

"Let's get you home." I hear him say and he slowly walks us over to a car. His car. Ryan's sat inside, "I'll sit in the backseat with her." Shane says to him and he nods. He helps me inside and buckle up and I detach myself from him. I wiped away my tears quickly, once again, but somehow they just wouldn't stop.

The car ride back to Shane's was quiet, Ryan didn't dare to speak up either.

xxx

I wouldn't stop staring off into space, thinking about the last few hours. Ryan had left shortly after bringing us back, Shane and I still awake. Shane's not going into work tomorrow so our late night awake hours won't hurt. I still don't know if Shane feels the same way nor why he even wanted to come after me in the first place. Did he feel responsible? It was my doing.

I pulled the blanket around my shoulders deeper, closer around me. My not-so-hot drink of (hot cocoa/tea/coffee) rested in my hands. I've been gripping it for 30 minutes, ever since Shane handed it to me and sat down next to me on the couch. He would make a few noises here and there and would sip some of his own drink, but never started a conversation.

I wouldn't blame him, we both just had a rush of emotions these past few hours. I should apologize for not only saying what I had said, but for running out and possibly worrying him. I don't know this place like Shane and Ryan do. I don't live here, never visited, and have only seen bits and pieces from either when I was a ghost or when he took me out the other night.

Was the other night a date? I mean, he treated me, showed me around a bit, took me to a park. In anyone's eyes, outside or inside of the friendship, it could be labeled as a date. Did he think it was a date? Or just a silly little adventure to help me get to know the area? I want it to be a date, but it's probably just an adventure to get to know the area, to be honest.

I blinked a couple of times and placed my mug over on the table next to the couch. Slowly, I turned to Shane and grabbed his cup out of his hands. He watched me, every small bit of my movements. I placed his cup next to my mug on the table, keeping a hand on his hand from grabbing said cup. When I turned back to him, I placed another hand on his cheek, feeling the dried tears as I grazed my thumb over it.

"I was worried sick." He mumbled and all I did was trace my hand down his neck, onto his shoulder, stopping at his chest. I gripped his clothes there, but pulled him towards me only to remove both my hands from their spots. They found their way around his torso and I pulled him close. A hug. He was warm.

"I love you, you know. And- and!" I felt tears rush to my eyes. "You said nothing. You ignored it- you.." I pulled my arms away to softly hit against his chest with a fist that formed. I didn't want to hurt him. He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back. "Your face said it all. It was blank." I said barely above a whisper.

"(Y/n).. I love you too." He mumbled, moving a hand up my back and to my face. His hand lightly caressed my cheek and lifted my face away from him. He carefully wiped away my tears. "I was afraid we were going to fast." He closes his eyes, opening them a second later. "But I really do love you." He leaned in and kissed me. Our lips touched for a brief moment only for my face to plant right into his chest. He laid down with me on top of him and helped fix the blanket.

Slowly, but surely, we both drifted to sleep, the darkness alluring the both of us in.