The Summer Contract

CHAPTER 19: The Billie-Ann feather that broke Ryder's back

RYDER

I was right, that's why I didn't want to admit it out loud.

Saying it would break me but I was sick of a world without her.

Billie-Ann is sent home with a warning and so am I because she assaulted me, my father scolds me the entire ride back but I don't hear a thing.

I'm boiling.

We walk into the house with him still scolding except since our house is soundproof he begins shouting, the coward actually has the nerve to shout at me.

"I hate you," my voice is barely audible but it gets his attention as he stops shouting.

I thought being beaten to a pulp almost every week was bad but having my heart feel the way its feeling now is worse.

Trust Billie-Ann to make me feel things I didn't know were possible.

"You're a coward," I sound exhausted because I am. "And you're a monster," I run my fingers through my hair.

I don't care if the monster kills me at this point because I am so tired, so fucking tired of pretending like this is okay, like what they are doing is okay.

"Ryder," my mom is already crying as my father warns a "boy."

"Lea knows and she gets nightmares, she left and let's be honest she might never want to return because we are a sham and yet you have the balls to lecture me about appearances."

"Ryder," my father barks.

"I hate you guys for this," I gesture at my broken arm. "I hate you for breaking the purest thing you have ever made and showing her the monster, I hate you for taking away my childhood and my innocence."

I hate them so much, I can't even put it into words.

"Honey I—"

"—just kill me already." I plead, "end it so that I can stop holding my breath."

"Go to your room," my father turns away.

"Why? So I could be dragged out by the leg in a few minutes?" I've entered my manic state which means I might be imagining this but I don't care, I'm done.

"Look at me!" I yell when his back remains facing at me, "how many grandmothers have to die, how many sick relatives do we have to blame till I finally stop breathing?"

"Don't talk like that!" My mother covers her ears.

"Why? You do realize that I'm dying mother!" I lift my shirt to show them the bruises and bandages stained with blood. "I'm a kick too deep from punching a vital vein and bleeding out, one concussion away from never waking up."

I drop my shirt and look around our house, there is a reason why we don't have a lot of nice things. A reason why most of the furniture is new and why we have so many pictures on the wall.

"So, just kill me already." I drop to my knees, "death is better than all this" I gesture to my parents.

"You ungrateful little shit," the monster growls as I feel the heel of their boot rise off the floor.

I brace myself for the death blow but feel hands wrap around me and move me out of the way before it does.

"Go outside and don't come in till I come get you," I am shoved out of the front door.

I press my ear against the door and hear things break, the walls might be soundproof but the door isn't.

"He is pathetic! Begging for mercy like that, so weak!" I hear the monster spit.