Heart Puzzle [BinSung] (completed)

Part 1.2

In this relationship, Jisung's feelings were only an inconvenience.

He had to step aside, suppress all the unnecessary signs of his affection, all these useless feelings. He had to forget all those improper dreams of their friendship turning slowly into more. All those moments of hope he imagined his feelings were returned.

"Jisung?" Changbin called, seemingly for the second time.

Jisung looked up hesitantly and swallowed with difficulty. He glanced at Changbin and focused on Chan instead. The leader looked at him worryingly as he tried to keep his face expressionless, with little success, it seemed.

Chan always understood too much. For their leader, for the group, Jisung had to bury these feelings.

"He's great. Handsome and sweet. You won the Jackpot hyung!" Jisung chirped.

"That's right, he's a nice boy. And he seemed to care about you a lot," Chan added softly as if he was meeting his son-in-law.

"He does," Felix confirmed. "You don't know how much Wooyoung insisted on having me setting you up before he manned up and asked Changbin out."

Hyunjin and Minho chuckled and Changbin blushed while trying to pull it as being smug.

"Yeah, you two are cute or whatever," Jeongin said with a disgusted pout.

Everyone added their own nice comments and praises, except for Jisung. Changbin stared at him, trying to figure out his unusual behaviour. Jisung looked away toward Chan and Felix instead to escape his gaze.

"That's scary, you guys look like parents blessing their child before their engagement," he joked to divert attention since he knew he had been silent for too long.

The other laughed, Hyunjin laughing louder than anyone while Minho and Seungmin were fighting over who was the most 'parent-like'.

Jisung was glad his attempt of diverting the attention was successful, but Changbin was still looking at him intensely. He decided to act dumb as if he didn't understand the silent question.

"Jisung? Are you okay? You're not talking much," Changbin asked after a moment when he noticed Jisung wouldn't say anything by himself.

"I'm good. Sorry, I think I ate too much and I'm sleepy."

Changbin hummed, obviously not fully believing him. "I know you're not very close to Wooyoung, but you can tell me even if you don't like him. You're important to me, you know."

"I hate him", Jisung thought immediately. He probably never felt this feeling so deeply. He hated this boy and he hated himself for wishing they split soon.

He would never be able to tell that to Changbin, though, he knew it would hurt him. And he couldn't hurt him.

"Come on, we're not your parents, you can date who you want."

Jisung hoped his voice was as playful as he aimed it to be, though the will wasn't there. He look down and took a deep breath, hiding his uneasiness behind a fake chuckle. When he looked up, he met those pleading eyes focused on him with a glimpse of fear and apprehension.

Jisung hesitated. He knew once the word slipped out his mouth, it would make his heart gasp for air. He knew he would hurt himself, but he also knew it was better if he was the only one hurting. Also, he couldn't resist Changbin's silent supplication.

"He's nice, you two make a sweet couple," he said, his heart sinking in the darkness of his brooding thoughts.

Changbin's face lighted up as if Jisung gave the best compliment he ever heard.

It was for the best. The affection he saw in his eyes was burdensome. It killed him to know it was directed to someone else.

Changbin was happy, then so was Jisung. It shouldn't be hard to ignore his crying heart.

It was too much pain for a single day. The room felt clammy and the air was lacking. He gasped for air a few times and fought the lump in his throat. He couldn't have a panic crisis now. It would be rather complicated to explain how he ended up in such a situation.

With a forced smile, he dropped a random excuse and ran out of the room with all the nonchalance he could gather at the moment. He needed to be alone. It was not that hard, that's all he was after all, Alone.