Heart Puzzle [BinSung] (completed)

Part 9.1

I'm sorry for taking longer, I couldn't get any ticket for the concert and I moped in the corner for a while...
I hope this is still okay ^^""
btw I didn't proofread either my brain's fried

.oO0*$*0Oo.

Jisung had to let go. It was ridiculous already how long this had been going.

Jisung grew too dependent; it wasn't healthy. He relied on Changbin for everything, professionally, personally, and emotionally. It was too much responsibility and dependency for one person to bear.

Not that Changbin ever complained, but Jisung didn't need it to know it was wrong.

In a different way, he meant a lot to Changbin too. The oldest was attached to their memories together, comfortably wrapped in the cotton of their familiar friendship. He would never go against that, no matter how toxic it became.

He didn't want their time to go to waste.

Jisung had to agree their shared moments were too precious to spoil with his rotten feelings. He didn't want to shift their dynamic either, but the situation changed.

Changbin didn't need him as much as he had before. Seeing the room filled with his absence in the morning kept hurting Jisung every time Changbin spent the night away. He had no right to.

Sometimes in the morning, when Changbin apologised, Jisung felt the guilt creep deeper through his skin. Changbin would surely appreciate some privacy without a reliant puppy pressuring him to come back.

Spending the night watching him wasn't better for his mental health. He was tired of the lost time spent admiring him furtively, waiting for a day he would be allowed to do it openly.

He often decided to run away instead.

The long nights Jisung spent outside, drinking, dancing, and ready to forget himself in anyone's arms never made him feel better. It was stupid and dangerous.

Regrets were overwhelming when he noticed Changbin was waiting for him to return safely the day he was home. It was killing him inside, and awakening hopes he shouldn't let grow.

What for?

Changbin already had someone by his sides.

Jisung had to retreat from their cocoon of codependence and forever stay as the good friend he had always been. He needed to give him back his freedom.

He needed to confess.

Okay, maybe not really confess - as if he could admit he had been shamefully pining for years - but at least something close enough; He needed closure.

He didn't want to put more pressure on Changbin than necessary. His goal wasn't to break his relationship through guilt and remorse but he knew him well enough to be persuaded he wouldn't accept his little stunt without a proper reason.

He needed to sugar coat it a bit, for sure, make it sound softer than it was for good measure. He needed to let it out and put out the blade to cure the pain. If he was lucky enough, he might get away by saying he had the hots for him and wanted to keep some distance.

Yeah, he needed to move out first, to gather himself and avoid the awkwardness once he would set the word free in the wild. He had long thought it would be dangerous to be so close in the new dorm, but he hoped having his own room would change the deal. Obviously, it didn't.

Leaving him behind would hurt, but what was it compared to all the needles piercing his heart by seeing him daily?

Why was he such a masochist?

The idea to leave his room broke his heart, yet he couldn't think about anything else to set himself free.

He had to do it, it was for the best. 3racha had lived together for as long as they've been working together, it was time to create some space; time to be physically away from Changbin.

Jisung folded up his sheets to put them in front of the door with the dirty laundry. The apartment had four rooms - five if you counted Hyunjin's improvised balcony slash art studio.

All bedrooms were roughly the same and the second apartment was an exact copy of theirs. It wouldn't make a big difference for the members and he was convinced Felix would love to spend more time closer to his favourite hyung.

Bless his kind soul for agreeing without prying when Minho brought up the topic. He wasn't stupid and Jisung was aware of his suspicion, but he was kind enough to give him the privacy he needed.