Heart Puzzle [BinSung] (completed)

Part 6.2

He wandered around the building mindlessly, humming the lyrics of his latest piece to trick his mind to focus on something else. Maybe he should go for a heartbreak song next, it was bound to be a realistic work.

He crossed the paths of a few idols and staff, greeting them happily and forcing himself to entertain some small talks with the ones he recognized from previous activities.

He stretched his roaming as much as he could before going back. When he finally came back, it was almost time for their final shooting.

Jisung forced a smile before entering the waiting room.

"Took you long enough," Minho commented.

"Weather's good, would be a shame to not enjoy it a bit."

"From inside the building?"

"You know me! It's better to enjoy without ever going out," he joked, not giving up his smile, even if he was pretty sure it had been falling a bit.

Minho shook his head, thankfully dropping the subject.

"Noona is waiting for you."

Jisung nodded and rushed to the makeup artists to fix his appearance before the shooting.

He paid little attention to the other members, too focused on keeping his thoughts at bay. His getaway hadn't solved anything, but it distracted him enough for the time being.

Soon, they were standing on stage. The cameras started rolling, and the stage director asked them to stay on standby for the last-minute adjustments. Only a few minutes, a few seconds remained before the beginning, long minutes of silence with the rhythm of their heartbeats.

The screen broadcasting their performance intro played in the background while they waited in the dark, and Jisung finally started to feel the usual excitement.

They could barely see the fans once the spotlights turned toward them, but the screams and fanchants were rhythming each member's part. Standing, mike in hand, Jisung let the music invade him, forgetting his stress for a moment, caught in the magic of the adrenaline.

The lights were dazzling and the spotlights too strong, almost burning his skin. It was only the beginning, and he already felt the adrenaline spreading over his body.

His moves were nothing more than automatism, his brain wasn't in control of his body anymore. As if it was acting by itself, following obediently the reflexes acquired with long hours of training.

He could hear the screams and claps over the music along with the members' voices;  His  voice.

He glanced toward Changbin during his part. It was amazing how different he could be at such times.

He looked sharp, serious, but fully in his element. He had nothing in common with the dorky hyung he often turned to be backstage. He was more mature, charismatic and beautifully shining. He didn't have the kind of beauty Minho, and Hyunjin had, but his handsome aura was enough to have him entranced.

Then he saw it, Changbin's sneaky hand gesture - Wooyoung's iconic hand sign - followed by a proud wink. It didn't mean much by itself. Fans might not even notice it. Or at least, they wouldn't think about it too deeply.

For Jisung, though, it was a painful reality hit. "Love signs" were well-known among idols, symbols of subtle communication between distant partners.

As if destiny decided to laugh at him, Jisung met Changbin's eyes, shining between tiredness and pure happiness. Jisung couldn't find it in him to get angry or sad after witnessing his smile.

Changbin's arm slid around his shoulders, resting against him to sing the ending part.

Lately, it was the only moments they shared, wasn't it? These days, he was under the impression they slowly became nothing more than colleagues, but maybe he was the only one to blame for that.

This world full of sparkles and spotlights became their only thing in common as if their friendship was only a part of this illusionary universe.

He could never feel so distinctly his heartbeats. He could never feel so perfectly himself than those moments he was singing until depletion for the fans' happiness. He wanted to stay forever inside this bittersweet world of comfort.

Being on stage was a terrible addiction. More powerful and addictive than drugs. Jisung loved it as much as it could scare him at times. It was a place where passion and fear were mixed. It resembled his relationship with Changbin in a way.

Was it what his feelings were, too? An addiction? He needed some kind of treatment; it couldn't be healthy.

Everything was an endless brouhaha inside of him, a loud mix of sounds and thoughts, all louder than the others.

Everything was an endless brouhaha inside of him, a loud mix of sounds and thoughts, all louder than the others.

The songs scrolled too quickly, and the last notes resounded, ringing the bell of freedom for Jisung.

He looked away to focus on the fans. He took his decision. It was time to release him from his feelings.

Set him free, both of them.