Heart Puzzle [BinSung] (completed)

Part 5.2

"You didn't get changed," he said instead. "You finished, like, almost 2 hours ago, why do you still have this on?"
"Yeah, too tired for that. These laced tops are a pain to take off."
"You could put it on but can't take it off?"
"Noona put it on me, I didn't."
"Then you should have asked her, even if she doesn't like you, it's her job, she can't refuse."
"She had to leave early and said she'll pick it up tomorrow. You should know, she told you to keep yours safely so you don't spend twenty minutes looking for it through your laundry-covered floor," he snorted, his arm resting on his leg, almost to tone down the bite in his words.
"Tss, I already gave mine to Chan. And don't change the subject!"
Changbin laughed "I don't, I'm just saying it's hard to unknot the lace in my back.
"Who asked you to bulk to the point you can't even touch your back, you wannabe Hulk!" Jisung jokingly insulted.
"Who said I don't do it on purpose so you need to help
Baby Changbin?" 

Jisung paused. It was normal for them, to joke around like this. But with Wooyoung in the picture, Jisung wasn't sure where his boundaries were anymore. He didn't know how far he could play until his feelings came in the way, spilling sneakily through his jokes.
He didn't have the force to be as friendly as he always had been, even less to be touchy as he used to be. He was suffering too much to continue his masochist torture by keeping the same friendship. He preferred to tone things down to avoid his unwanted tsunami of emotions.

Wooyoung's appearance shouldn't have changed their dynamic, but it made Jisung much more self-aware. He didn't dare to speak as openly anymore for fear of being too honest. He needed more control than ever to go through the adaptation phase.

His silence stretched a beat too long, and Changbin stared at him slightly baffled.

"I Am tired," Changbin said, emphasising the second word. Jisung felt a squeeze on his leg, reassuring, apologetic. "I'm not doing that to bother you though."
"I know. Sorry," Jisung replied softly. "I'm tired too."

It was a poor excuse, but it was a safe one. He knew Changbin would not blame him or ask too many questions if he was acting out of character while being sleep deprived.

Changbin stretched, untangling himself from Hyunjin who chose to ignore them a long time ago.

"Do you want to work on the arrangement we talked about last week? Just the two of us. It's been a while."
"Oh I... well, you know... it's later," Jisung stuttered with guilt. He couldn't give in, with his lack of sleep and tiredness, he was bound to make a mistake he would regret.
"We can fall asleep on Chan's couch if we're too tired. I won't even blame you if you fell asleep while I talk."

Jisung looked up at him and he felt his heartbeat stop for a second. He was overwhelmed by Changbin's insistence and delighted by the quiet admission, this silent "I miss you" that warmed his body fleetingly.

Yeah, it had been a long time. He knew it first-hand, but he couldn't stop Changbin from seeing his boyfriend, and he couldn't refrain from running away every time his feelings were too strong. To fill in the emptiness created by his absence, he took the bad habit of creating more distance between them.

Lately, it had been more frequent than ever.

He was aware it was as self-destructive as it was hurtful for their friendship, but he couldn't help it.

Recently, though, Changbin was going out of his way to find time to spend together. Jisung wasn't sure if he prefered to long from afar or get burned for being too close, like a moth to a flame.

Jisung couldn't look at him, looking all around without focusing on Changbin. He straightened on the armrest, putting a bit of distance between them. It was so tempting; it was hard to come up with any reason to refuse. Maybe, if he could find an excuse to bring Chan along... he felt a bit sorry for using him, but Chan would surely agree.

"Come on, Hannie... it's been so long."
"I know," he nodded with a smile, "but I have no energy for that. At least today."
"Okay! Tomorrow it is!" He cried out happily. "Tomorrow, okay? He asked again with way too much exuberance for someone who was dozing off minutes ago.

If Jisung thought he could get out of it with vague answers, that was without counting on Changbin's stubbornness.

They heard a groan, and before they had time to wonder where it came from, Hyunjin flicked Changbin's arm.

"You're too loud hyung."
"Sorry., I got excited," Changbin covered his mouth and winced.
"I noticed. Anyway, I guess it's my cue to leave."

Hyunjin retreated to his room for some peace, leaving Jisung beset by Changbin's pleading eyes.

"Tomorrow?"
"Okay," Jisung gave in. He would hate himself for it if not for the bright smile it put on Changbin's lips.
"Great! Then... since I'm awake now, do you want to watch a film, Hannie?" Changbin suggested. "We didn't have a movie night since forever," he added with a particularly convincing pout. Jisung was already too deep to refuse him anything now.
"Sure, why not," he smiled. "What do you want to watch?"
"Anything," Changbin replied quickly, pulling Jisung close to him on the sofa, their body close enough to make him dizzy.

They had never been the cuddliest; their love language had always been made of words of appreciation and quality time. Jisung was happy that this part of their dynamic still existed.

He missed this affection way more than he wanted to admit. He was glad to be able to receive it in such situations. He wanted to believe it; Believe Changbin had also been feeling the same emptiness; Believe that he was willingly choosing Jisung.
After being deprived for so long, Jisung was weak for his attention. Just for the night, he could indulge himself right?

"I just want to spend time with you."

Jisung's heart almost failed him at this instant. He stared at Changbin who was going through the movie suggestions unaware of the effect the words had on him.

Maybe, just for a little while, Jisung could let himself get wrapped in the blanket of Changbin's care.