Heart Puzzle [BinSung] (completed)

Part 10.1

Changbin's ringtone suddenly echoed in the silence from his pocket. He hesitated for a short second, quickly glanced at the screen and then put it back in his jeans.

It rang again, and Changbin's jaw clenched unwillingly. He fidgetted with the device, barely hiding his frown.

"It might be urgent?" Jisung offered, too happy to find a reason to run away from the conversation he dreaded.

Changbin stared alternatively at Jisung and the screen in his hand. He looked guilty, torn, and Jisung suddenly understood.

"Wooyoung?" he asked, holding back his bitterness.
"Yeah."

Changbin closed his eyes and grabbed the phone firmly.

"Do not move. We are not done with this conversation," Changbin ordered before leaving the room for a short time.

Jisung nodded obediently. Despite wanting to run away and hide, he couldn't move a single muscle. He felt nauseous. He hated how pleased he had been to hear Changbin was ready to give up on his relationship to preserve their friendship. Why was he so egoist? He wanted him all for himself more than ever.

He had no hopes to start with, but Changbin's behaviour was confusing. He thought he could accept it. He put everything behind him when he took his decision to move, didn't he? Then what was he waiting for so expectantly?

"Hey hey hey baby, calm down... Take a deep breath for me."

Jisung looked distraught, his breathing uneven, and Changbin tried to soothe him the best he could. He petted his head delicately, and it took a few minutes before Jisung's breathing stabilised.

Thinking about it, it might be a weird gesture for most people, but it had always been effective to calm Jisung.

"Jisung," Changbin called him softly. When did he come back? How long was Jisung lost in his thoughts again?

Gently, Changbin's fingers stroked his jaw, raising his chin so their eyes met.

Jisung found a lot of different feelings in there, surprise, tenderness, and also a bit of pity. He didn't want to think about how bad he must have looked right now, but he knew Changbin was caring about him. It was that mattered right now.

"Gosh I'm so stupid," he cursed in low voice. "I'm sorry Jisung, I'm so sorry," he added next to his ear, wrapping him in a comforting hug.

Jisung shivered and didn't have time to worry about the sudden apology.

"I should have understood before… I should have guessed..." Changbin scolded himself, "Well, I had a hunch but..."

He wasn't making much sense, but Jisung's mind was still too blurry to process his words properly.

Changbin didn't look happy with his own words, but he also seemed determined. He moved away to face Jisung properly, the youngest's heart pounding with anticipation.

"You know... I've always wondered why none of my previous relationships worked out," Changbin started. I thought... I thought it was because I didn't give them the time they deserved. After all, I was too busy to care for them properly."

He paused and gave Jisung a weak smile to confirm he was still following his talk.

"But then, I realised I might not be as straight as I first thought."

Changbin stopped again as if he tried to assimilate the confession as he said it, while Jisung was hanging on his every word.

"You know, I was the one who asked Wooyoung out," he scoffed, "I wanted to know. I needed to be sure, and I didn't know how to. It's not like I can randomly go to a gay bar to try, right? Surprisingly, Wooyoung agreed. He helped more than I could have hoped. I know it's not fair, but he said it was fine."

Changbin looked up with a weak smile.

"I love Wooyoung so dearly, I've known him for a while so I thought if it was him, it would be fine. But the longer we are together the more we hang out... I sometimes wonder... I love him, but my feelings for him might be more platonic than romantic."

Jisung closed his eyes and tried to keep his breathing still. What could he answer? He couldn't let the hope grow too big; Nothing hurt more than broken hopes.

"Are you sure... you swing this way?" he finally asked, his voice weaker than he wanted it to be.
Changbin laughed, "more than sure; I mean, I'm attracted to women, but I'm definitely attracted to men too."
"I see." Jisung paused, struggling to find the right words in the middle of his pool of doubts. "I don't even know what to say. I've never imagined you could be into men, and when He appeared, it was too hard to handle."
"You..."
"Not because it's a man," Jisung quickly added, "Just... It's hard to adjust,  you know."

Changbin nodded in understanding. "I wasn't completely sure where I stood before I started dating Wooyoung either. But I had this... attraction. I know it's quite late to figure out my sexuality, but sometimes it's hard to think properly. I've always known I felt something that wasn't too bro-ing at times, and I never dared to face it."
"I'm glad he helped where none of us could," Jisung said bitterly. "We should have been there to support you too."

Changbin brushed his hair softly, calling his name quietly, as if to not scare him, "Jisung... there's a reason I didn't come to you to talk about it. I mean, of course, I had 'a talk' with Chan when we were trainees, like everyone. I also asked a few questions to Minho and dropped hints they probably caught up long ago, but I purposefully left it there. I wasn't ready to face it; To face you."

The confession didn't help relieve Jisung's guilt one bit. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
"No, don't get me wrong. It's not because I didn't trust you or the boys. You know I would trust you with my life; you're more important than anyone. I chose to keep it from you temporarily because I needed to be sure before sharing it with you," Changbin smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring way.

"I wanted to know 100% that it wasn't a whim or a superficial curiosity. I didn't want to hurt you if I was mistaken. I've always known while you act like a confident brat, you looked up at me like a strong, truthful hyung."

Jisung wanted to joke it off, but his throat was painfully strained by his tears.

"And it did help. We're happy when we're together. But sometimes... Why does it feel so empty?"