Heart Puzzle [BinSung] (completed)

Part 8.2

"Wooyoung's with his group, they have an event," Changbin said flatly.

"I doubt he had a choice," Chan commented. "Does it make you sad?"
"Not really," Changbin admitted guiltily.
"Then what makes you so gloomy?"
"I'm not gloomy..."
"You don't look like our normal Changbinnie either," Chan said as a matter of fact. "Are you sure there's nothing wrong?"
"No, it's really nothing. Just thinking. About... things."
"Not so happy things, if the face you're making now is anything to go by."
"No, it's just... weird... stupid maybe."
"It's not stupid if it bothers you. I remember a wise philosopher born in 1999 said it's better to talk when you face troubles rather than keep your emotions bottled up."
"Well, I want to, but I don't understand what's going on through my head right now."
"It's okay, I rarely know what goes through any of your heads."

Jisung could hear the smile in Chan's voice, and Changbin's silent struggle was just as loud.

"I feel like something is wrong."
"What kind of thing?"
"Me. My relationship. Everything I miss with you guys because of it."
"Indeed we're not seeing you much since you started dating, and even if I don't want to admit it, it's a bit sad at times," Chan said softly.
"Is mommy Chan going through an existential crisis now that her cutest baby spends nights away from home?" Changbin tried to joke half-heartedly.
"Shut up baby-Changbin, or the so lovely mommy will let you deal with all your arrangements by yourself from now on," Chan threatened with a smirk.
"Ow, Please accept my apologies O best-est incredible marvellous leader," Changbin replied with a mix of honey and sarcasm in his voice.
"That's what I thought. On a more serious note, I'm happy for you, though. No one is blaming you for chasing your happiness."
"Hmmm... Maybe that's the thing."

Chan waited for him to continue.

"I'm happy, you know," Changbin started insistently, "we're successful, and I finally managed to come to terms with his sexuality - you know I struggled for a while," he paused for a moment. "I'm in a nice relationship. Woo is more supportive than anyone. From the beginning, he did everything he could, and he understands what I'm going through. I have everything to be happy, but..." Changbin let his words linger while he tried to organise his thoughts.
"But?" Chan encouraged.
"I can't stop thinking. I feel like something is missing, and I shouldn't be asking for more when I already have everything, right?"
"Then it might be time to reflect on what you truly want, don't you think?" Chan replied after a while.

Changbin hummed pensively, mumbling unintelligible words, and Jisung surprised himself to be suddenly so close to the door he probably could get caught within a second.

"I can't stop thinking about his behaviour lately."
"And?"
"I don't know... it's weird. He's here, but it's as if he isn't, and I don't know how to handle it."
"Why?" Chan invited.
"I feel... the dynamic in the group changed since I started dating Wooyoung. And I'm the first one to be in a serious relationship, so I know it's unavoidable, but his behaviour is too distant... does he not approve of it?"
"You know Jisung isn't like that."
"No, I don't know anymore," he replied, frustrated.

Jisung couldn't believe they were talking about him. Did Changbin think he disapproved of his relationship? Was it the kind of person Changbin thought he was? Despite being idols, it was expected the members would start dating at some point.

"I know it's my fault since I spend more time away and miss you all... but Jisung, I don't know... It never happened before," Changbin's voice sounded hesitant, maybe also a bit guilty, not knowing if he could continue or not. "We meet only to work, and even then, we're not spending time together. We barely talk more than a few minutes when we see each other, and living together makes it worse. Like, he's not avoiding me, but it's like we have nothing in common anymore, and I can tell he doesn't want to be around me longer than necessary," he took a deep breath before he let out his last words. "I feel like I'm losing him; Losing our friendship."
"Jisung wouldn't abandon you, Changbin," Chan reassured. "You're important to him, and so is your friendship."
"Then why is he never in the dorms when I am? Why is he always so busy when I want to talk?"

He sounded angry, torn. Jisung was divided between his urge to hug it better and scream at him for playing with his heart.

Chan didn't have time to reply before Changbin continued.

"I miss him. I miss our time together. But maybe he doesn't care," he concluded. "I'm stupid, right?" He asked himself more than Chan.

Jisung stopped and looked at his shoes. He couldn't do this. Why was Changbin hammering his heart and breaking his fragile guard? How could he say all these words that made him so weak instantly?

"I don't want him to walk away from me. I don't want to lose my best friend."
"He won't Changbin, you know him. You two are too close for that," Chan reassured him as well as he could.

There was a long silence during which Jisung tried to convince himself he needed to run away. He couldn't stay here, witnessing the pain he was causing to his friend because of his selfish feelings.

Was he not able to do anything properly? Or was there no solution for them?

"You're probably right," Changbin answered. "I hope you are."

Jisung needed to leave. If his current treatment was useless to ease the pain or keep Changbin happy, he needed to get rid of the bandaid, once and for all.