Heart Puzzle [BinSung] (completed)

Part 10.2

"And it did help. We're happy when we're together. But sometimes... Why does it feel so empty?"

The question got lost in the deafening silence, and Changbin continued, "with Wooyoung... we were stupid enough to think our attraction to each other was enough to make it work. We tried to go further, you know, but it felt wrong."
"Maybe you need time. It's still new after all, this type of relationship."

Changbin shook his head. "No, that's not what I mean. It's not because we're both men. So far, we never managed to go past messy handjobs. To be honest, getting off was easy, but none of us wanted to go further. When we tried to..."

Jisung didn't let Changbin finish his sentence. "I don't think I want to hear that," he mumbled, eyelids firmly closed.
"I'm sorry," Changbin apologised.

Like he sometimes did -in a friendly-platonic way, of course- Changbin leaned his chin against his shoulder. His hands slid from his hair to his shoulders blade to bring Jisung closer.

"But you are happy, right?" Jisung felt a lump in his throat. This rollercoaster of emotions could not be healthy.

Changbin's head settled back against Jisung's collar bone. His breath knocked on his neck, not failing to make the youngest's heartbeats race.

"I have absolutely everything to be happy," Changbin said, "nice family, true friends, good job, a passion, money, celebrity, a lovely boyfriend."

He stopped and breathed, noticing the pain on Jisung's face when he ended his sentence.

"I have everything one can dream about, but I might be greedier than I thought cause why is it not enough for me?"

Changbin seemed to process his words while he was hearing them himself. Was he at least understanding the message he was unwillingly whispering to Jisung's heart?

The pounding in Jisung's chest kept growing as Changbin dropped a kiss on the bare skin of his neck.

If Jisung often playfully kissed the members, Changbin rarely did, and surely not with him. The teasing ritual had always been one way.

Changbin never acted this way, this wasn't what their relationship with built on, and Jisung was too drunk on the attention to move away.

"Tell me, Sung, why I need your attention more than his? Why do I like spending time with you more than him?" Changbin interrogated, his nose pressing against his neck, hair tickling Jisung's face.

He pampered his skin with butterfly kisses again and again. It was already a lot, maybe too much. His mouth went up to his nape, the pressure growing more and more insistent on his warm skin.

To say Jisung was confused was an understatement. Even if both his heart and his body seemed particularly pleased, he couldn't let him take control over his body, without understanding.

His fingers brushed the lines of his body, touching slightly his chest. He shivered, completely under his power, enjoying his touch like a drug, entirely at his mercy and following his will.

"Why do you let me act this way without complaining Jisung?"

Unable to look away, Jisung stayed there, unmoving, lost in his deep brown eyes. Hanging onto his every word as if they were his reason for living. His heart stopped at his talk, tamed by his lifelong master.

"Tell me why Jisung..."
"I... Does it matter?"

Changbin leaned to kiss his skin again. How long did he dream of such a moment? Both of them so close, in the intimacy of their room... But the vicious bite of reality hit him too strongly. It wasn't real, he couldn't let Changbin continue his bittersweet torture.

Jisung pulled on Changbin's arm to stop him.

"You're right. We shouldn't do that."

His words sounded strained from the effort it took to pronounce them. He tried to convey silently his message, unsure if he would be able to say more.

Changbin pressed his forehead against Jisung with a sigh. "Are you fine with that, Jisung?"

Jisung tensed, his feeble resistance breaking down under Changbin's gaze.

"If I leave now to talk with Wooyoung, can you promise me you'll still be there when I come back?"

Jisung couldn't promise. He wasn't sure he could handle it without his anxiety destroying him.

"I missed it Sung ... I missed you," Changbin whispered. "I don't want to lose you again."

Jisung missed it too, but they should stop before it goes too far. He freed his arm from the embrace and tried to move away, but Changbin wasn't agreeing.

"Please don't," Jisung begged; his defence felt thinner every passing second.
"I told you, and I mean it, Jisung. I don't want a relationship if it means losing you."
"Hyung, you can't say that," Jisung whined, struggling to keep the overload of emotions.

Changbin looked down and sighed.

"I'm serious. Or tell me why I shouldn't."
"Hyung, don't do that to me," Jisung sounded close to tears. "Gosh, why are you making me say it?" Jisung implored, tears pooling in his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Sung, don't cry," Changbin immediately apologized.

He was too close for safety, eyes dark and full of care. It was too much.

"You're in a relationship," Jisung repeated for the umpteenth time. "You can't play with me like that."
"I know, sung, I know it's not fair, but why do I miss you so much? Why does he feel like I'm doing it wrong when you walk away from me?"

Jisung hoped he wasn't mistaken about the meaning of this sentence. Changbin had to stop, or else he would think he was right to entertain those feelings for so long.

"Stop it," Jisung pleaded, almost ready to run away.

He felt on the verge of confessing, so close to putting in danger this friendship he treasured so much.

He clung to his pullover's collar where we could see a white shirt and clenched his fist on the fabric.

"Please," he whispered, imploring his forgiveness.

In front of Jisung's distress, Changbin could only indulge. He closed his eyes and opened his arms to welcome the youngest against his chest.

"I'm sorry, Sung. I'm so sorry. I don't want to lose you."

Immediately, Jisung hugged back tightly, drowning in the comfort of the too-rare embrace.

"Don't leave me," Changbin asked softly.

His supplication shattered Jisung's conviction, and the secret he locked deeply in his soul slipped out before he realised it.

"I won't, hyung... I love you too much for that."

Here he said them; the words thought he would never tell out loud. Jisung should have known that if Changbin asked him, he would eventually give in.

Changbin didn't look offended nor disgusted but visibly shivered.

Driven by a sudden urge, Changbin took his face between his two hands and locked their lips. The touch was filled with uncertainty and passion. Jisung melted, answering his kiss with his long-contained feelings.