It hurts [Ziall]

2

Niall

I got home and went into my kitchen to grab something to eat. As I went to get some cereal I thought of something. Normally when someone is depressed they lose a lot of weight. And since Zayn is around me a lot when we're wearing shorts and a t-shirt, possibly no shirt, he would notice if I started to lose weight. I grinned and put the cereal back, then went up to my room.

What are some other signs of depression? I already wear a lot of black. I have to act more tired and less excited all the time. But what else can I do to my appearance?

I could cut myself, but that would hurt a lot. I think it's worth it though, to get Zayn's attention. I grabbed a razor out of the bathroom and sat down. I pressed it to my skin and lightly dragged it across my wrist.

I hissed at the pain. How do depressed people find this good? I made five more small cuts and then threw the razor away. My school uniform would cover them up and I always wear bracelets to dance.

Now I just need a story behind my depression. A lot of different reasons why I cut.

I decided the main reason would be the bullying. I am bullied at school for being gay. I go to an all boys catholic private school, so 90% of the student body is homophobic, but I didn't usually let it get to me. But I'll pretend it did.

The second thing can be my ex-boyfriend Chance Tyler. He asked me out last year for a dare then "cheated" on me two days later with some slutty girl. I was heartbroken for a while, but I got over it. Chance is a huge asshole anyways, I only said yes because he's hot and I'd never been asked out before.

Then I can have some other exudes like my family hates me, I suck at dance, nobody loves me, bla bla bla. I'll stop eating in front of Zayn and maybe other people to make it more believable.

One day I'll 'accidentally' show my cuts, he'll ask me about it and I'll open up to him. Then I'll have Zayn feeling bad for me and he'll want to help me get better. I don't stop being depressed until we fall in love, then I get better and we live happily ever after. It's a perfect plan.

I smiled to myself as I drifter off to sleep. Soon I'll be able to kiss Zayn, cuddle him, call him my boyfriend! All I need to do is act broken. How hard can it be?