It hurts [Ziall]

17

Niall

As soon as Zayn was gone, I started crying my eyes out. He hates me. He hates me because I want to be dead. I sat in my hospital room, crying my eyes out for almost two hours. A few nurses came to try and figure out what was wrong, but I wouldn't talk to them. I just want Zayn. I need Zayn.

Watching the love of my life storm out of the room like that was the most terrible thing that's ever happened to me. And I've never wanted do die more than that moment. Even after everything, Zayn leaving was the most painful thing of all.

I grabbed the cords attached to my arm, figuring that they were what was keeping me alive, and yanked them out. I did the same to the other side, then smiled as I slowly drifted out of consciousness. Maybe it would finally be over this time.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Niall! Niall, fuck I'm so sorry baby. I'm here. I'm sorry please wake up."

Zayn.

I tried to open my eyes, but it was like they were glued shut. I couldn't move my body either. I was frozen.

"I should've known you weren't emotionally stable. I should've known you needed me here. I shouldn't have left, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I heard him start to cry and my heart broke.

"I love you Niall. I love you so much please wake up." He whispered, squeezing my hand tightly. He doesn't hate me. He loves me. I wanted to squeeze his hand back, or move, or do something to show that  I wasn't dead, that I could hear everything he was saying, and that I loved him too. 

"Niall, I've never told you this, and I know you can't hear me now, but I want to marry you." Tears would've filled my eyes if my body was responsive to my thoughts. He wants to marry me? "I love you so much, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you Niall. I should've told you that before, because now you never might hear me say it. I might not get to spend the rest of my life with you." I heard him choke on his tears. "Because your life might be over."

I heard him sobbing into something, probably his hands. He whispered "I love you." over and over again. I had to wake up. I had to move my body. I had to let Zayn know I was alright. I fought against my paralyzed body to force my eyes open. 

I pried my eyes open. I was still in the hospital room, the tubes reattached to my arms, but now Zayn was sat beside me. He was shaking with sobs, his face buried into his hands. 

"Zayn." I whispered. My voice wouldn't come out louder than that. 

He looked up, his eyes filled with tears, then flung himself onto me for the second time today, crying his eyes out.

"I'm so sorry baby. Oh my god, I love you Niall. I'll never leave you like that ever again. I'm sorry I can't believe I did that. I love you so much baby." He sobbed into my shoulder. 

"I know you're sorry." I whispered. "I love you too."

He pulled away, taking my hands in his. I noticed his hands were bruised and bloody, but I decided to ask something else first. 

"You want to marry me?" I asked quietly. 

He looked up, a shocked expression on his face. "You could hear me?"

I nodded and bit my lip lightly. He reached out and brushed his thumb across my mouth.

"Don't hurt yourself baby." He whispered. I hadn't even realized I'd been doing that. "And yes."

A small smile came to my face as tears filled my eyes and I brought one hand up to cover my mouth.

"I do want to marry you Niall." He said, squeezing my hand in both of his. "Because I love you."

"I love you too." I said quietly. We just sat in silence for a while, until I remembered Zayn's hands. "What happened?" I asked, motioning to his hands. 

"Oh... I... Um..." He looked down. I raised an eyebrow at him and he sighed. "I went to your school this morning after you woke up. After you told me... you know. I went and beat Chance up. I was so mad about it. Because nobody deserves what you went through. Especially not someone as amazing as you." 

I started to cry at that point. Because Zayn still loves me. Me. A depressed boy who's been raped, who hates himself, who starves himself, and wants to die. And he still wants to help me. He wants to help me get over everything, and spend the rest of his life with me. 

"Shh baby please don't cry." He whispered, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a hug. He rubbed my back gently and whispered whispered into my ear. "I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm so so sorry."

"I'm sorry I tried to kill myself again." I sobbed. "I just thought I lost you and you're the only good thing in my life Zayn." 

"I know baby, I know." He whispered, rubbing circles on my back. "I love you Niall. I will never leave you ok? I will never leave you."

I pulled away. "Zayn?" I asked quietly. "Can we get promise rings?"

"Can I just promise that I'll always love you?" He whispered, taking my small hands in his larger ones.

"I just want something  physical." I said, looking down at our intertwined hands. "So that when I feel like hurting myself, or worse, I can just look at the ring and remember that I have something to live for."

"Ok" He said, squeezing my hands. "When you get out of the hospital, we can go to the jewelry store and get promise rings. But, you have to promise me something." I nodded nervously. "When I put that ring on you, I'm promising to love you forever, so you can look down at that ring when you're feeling sad and be reassured that I'll always love you. But when you put that ring on me, I want to be reassured when I look down on it, that you're alive and well, and that you still love me. I want to be able to look at it and know that you're ok."

I nodded. "I promise." I said. He leaned in and pressed our lips together. I wrapped my arms around his neck and his hands went to my waist, pulling our bodies closer together. We kissed until we couldn't breathe, then pulled away and rested our foreheads together.

"I love you." He whispered against my lips. 

"I love you too Zayn."

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