It hurts [Ziall]

9

Niall

I groaned at the math problems on the page.

"I can't do this Zayn I don't get it!" I muttered.

"It's not that hard Niall, you just have to take the share root of this side." He said, pointing to the meaningless numbers on the page.

"But why?! I don't get it." I groaned, flopping down onto the bed. I felt myself tearing up, but I willed away the urge to cry. I'm not going to act like a baby in front of Zayn.

"Look, this side has a square, so you have to do the opposite on this side!" He pointed again and I stared at the paper. I really had no idea what was going on.

"Oh... I think I get it." I said, pretending to understand. I obviously didn't, and I think he noticed with the skeptical look he gave me, but I really just wanted to be alone at the moment. "I think that's enough math for me today." I said, shutting my book and standing up.

"Alright." Zayn said, getting up after me. "See I told you. You're smart."

I blushed a bit as I led him to the door and said goodbye. He pulled me into a hug.

"You did good today." He whispered into my ear. "Call me if you're feeling upset alright?" I nodded, hugging him tightly, then watching him walk out and drive away.

I sat down on my bed and tried to finish what we were working on, then soon got frustrated. I angrily knocked my textbook on the ground as more tears came to my eyes.

What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I so stupid? I literally can't do anything. I felt the familiar feeling on my wrists come back, itching for my blade.

I rolled up my sleeves and decided I should probably make some more cuts. For Zayn's attention, not to take my mind off the fact that I'm stupid and worthless.

I fished out the razor from the bottom of my drawer and lightly pressed it to my wrist, dragging it across my wrist. A few more tears slipped from my eyes as the blood pooled out of the small cut I had made. I smiled at the pain. It felt good, relieving.

I made a few more cuts, then washed up and got myself ready for bed. School tomorrow will not be fun, obviously. I shut my eyes and tried to will away the self hatred taking over my mind.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I sat down at lunch and immediately laid my head down to take a nap.

"Niall." I heard Liam say quietly. I looked up at him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine." I answered. "Why?"

"You've just been acting distant lately Niall." Louis said. "The three of us are just kind of worried."

"There's nothing to be worried about." I snapped. "I'm fine! I don't know why everyone keeps asking me what's wrong!"

"Niall you look like you haven't slept in weeks, you failed your math test, and you're obviously getting more sensitive to Chance, so we know something is wrong."

"So I'm not allowed to be upset about getting bullied for who I am?" I said angrily.

"I didn't say that Niall-" Harry started.

"No!" I interrupted. "You said I was getting more upset about it. Well you wouldn't know what it's like because you're perfectly straight and I'm just some gay kid who should be picked on for the way he is!"

I stood up to walk away from the table, when I was met by my religion teacher, Mr. Kassa. He looked shocked.

"Come with me Mr. Horan." He said coldly. I nervously followed him, knowing that around here, admitting to being gay is like admitting to murder. He took me into the principal's office, where I sat in a chair as Mr. Kassa talked alone with the principal. I overheard the words "gay", "sin", "disgusting", and "against god's will", before the principal came out and led me over to the church across from the school.

"Mr. Horan there is open confession at the moment." He said coldly. "I would like you to go in and speak with the priest about this."

A few tears welled into my eyes as I walked into the small room and sat behind the screen.

"So, Niall." He said quietly. "I hear you are struggling with sexuality?"

"I'm not struggling with anything." I said, trying not to show any emotion. "I decided I was gay a long time ago and I'm not going to let you try to convince me I'm not."

The priest sighed. "You do realize homosexuality is against God's will."

"Bullshit." I snapped. "If God hated homosexuals so much then why would he make them in the first place."

"Being gay is a sin." He said. "You can choose to act on it or not."

"So you want me to pretend to love someone I don't?" I questioned. "Why would you take away my happiness? You get no benefit from this."

"I know I've carried out God's will." He said. "Being gay is wrong Niall. And if you choose to act on your homosexuality, you will be punished in hell for it."

My eyes filled with tears as I stood up and left the confession room, slamming the door behind me. I ran as fast as I could across the street to find my car.

I was about to get into the safety of my car, when I heard, "Hey loser!"

I turned around to face Chance.

"You worthless thing I never even beat you up today! You can't leave yet!" He held up his fist.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I screamed. He looked confused for a second, then I pushed him away. "I SWEAR TO GOD TOUCH ME AND I'LL RUN YOU OVER!"

Then I got into my car and drove off as fast as I could.

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Yaaayyyy another chapter!

I've been terrible at updating recently sorry :(

BTW MY NEW LAPTOP IS COMING ON WEDNESDAY SO YAY FOR THAT!

But anyways today I realized how much I love Nouis like its probably bad lol

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