It hurts [Ziall]

10

Niall

I opened the front door of my house, wiping my tears so my mom wouldn't see.

"Hello?" I called out, my voice cracking and tears filling my eyes again. I wiped them away quickly. I couldn't let my mom see how upset I was.

Nobody responded to me and I remembered that my mom is working, so I let the tears come to my eyes again as I ran upstairs to my room.

Being gay is wrong and if you choose to act on your homosexuality, you will burn in hell for it.

I sobbed loudly and knocked a jar of pencils off my desk, spilling them all over the floor. There's something wrong with me. Zayn doesn't get this kind of hate for being gay, so obviously I'm messed up in some way. He still doesn't love me, even though I've been fake depressed for so long.

I laid on my bed and sobbed into my pillow, gripping the sheets tightly trying to avoid thinking about it, but everyone's words wouldn't leave my head.

Faggot

Crazy

Ugly

Stupid

Disgusting

Fat

Worthless

I found myself on the bathroom floor, blade pressed to my wrist, sobbing as I dragged it lightly across my skin. I felt nothing. I sliced harder and deeper. I sighed as I let myself forget about the words haunting my brain. I pushed away those thoughts and concentrated on the blood pooling from my wrists.

I switched to the other wrist, slicing that one up pretty bad as well. Soon I didn't have any space left on my wrists and all the pain came flowing back into my mind.

I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my fists. I have to make it go away.

But the pain wouldn't go away. I couldn't stop thinking about it unless there was a blade to my skin. I took my shirt off and began cutting at my hips and upper thighs. The pain left my body again as I concentrated on the pain I was causing myself.

What the hell am I doing?

I let the blade drop to the ground. This was all supposed to be fake. I'm supposed to be cutting in places people could see, places that would get me attention. This isn't supposed to be real.

I curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor and the pain came tumbling back again. The words circled through my head, different voices screaming at me from all directions.

Lazy

Fat

Stupid

Waste of space

Faggot

Worthless

Disgusting

Crazy

Stupid

Burn in hell

At that moment I wanted only one thing.

I wanted to be dead.

I wasn't supposed to want this. This was never supposed to happen. I reached up and grabbed my phone and dialed his number as quick as I could.

"Niall?" I heard Zayn say through the phone. I couldn't speak. I let out a quiet sob.

"Niall babe what's the matter?" He asked worriedly.

"Help." I said quietly, my voice coming out strangled and hoarse. "I just want to die."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So so so sorry for that extremely short chapter yikes

I don't know if that was good idk I think it was kinda crappy but please vote anyways this book needs some love :(

¡COMMENT VOTE FAN!