It hurts [Ziall]

22

Niall

Spring break was uneventful. I hardly left my house. Hell, I hardly left my room. Why should I? My parents were out of town, all my friends were out of town, Zayn was out of town. What was there to do outside my bedroom?

I didn't do much, just watched TV, read, slept, and of course, thought. With thinking, comes a lot of self hatred for me. And I can fall pretty deep into that hole if nobody is there to pull me out. That's why I often found myself on the floor in my bathroom, a blade in my hand, bawling my eyes out, and Zayn over the phone, telling me that I'm stronger than that.

I never cut though. I held my promise ring between my palms, squeezed my eyes shut, and cried. I made Zayn a promise.

I heard the sound of a car pulling into my driveway. I leaped out of bed, not caring that I looked like total shit. I rushed down the stairs, flung the door open, and ran outside, right into Zayn's waiting arms.

I threw my arms around his neck, burying my face into his shoulder. One of his arms went around my waist, pulling me closer to him and his other arm reaching up to tangle his fingers in my hair and pull my head into his shoulder.

"I missed you." I whispered against him.

"I missed you too baby." He mumbled. I pulled away from the hug. He put two fingers under my chin and tilted my chin, leaning in and kissing me. A long, loving, passionate kiss.

He snaked an arm around my waist. His eyebrows furrowed a bit, but he shook it off and lead the two of us inside. He laid down on the couch and opened my arms to me. I laid down with half my body on top of him and my side pressed into the back of the couch. He gave me a worried look.

"What?" I asked.

"Niall have you been eating?" He asked quietly. I thought back to the past two weeks.

I just didn't feel like eating. Leaving my room felt pointless, so why go get food. And the pains in my stomach helped take my mind off everything, if I wasn't cutting. And every time the pains got too bad, I would just drink some water or a little bit of juice. It just doesn't feel worth it to eat, it would only make me fatter anyways.

But obviously I couldn't tell Zayn I hadn't been eating. He would freak out, so I just nodded quickly.

"Are you sure?" He asked. I nodded again. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on the top of my head.

"Ok baby." He whispered. "I hope you know that your weight isn't healthy for someone your age and height."

What was he talking about? He dropped me at dance a few weeks ago, obviously because I was too heavy. Now, when I looked in the mirror I didn't hate myself so much, because I was actually skinny.

"I'm fine Zayn." I said.

"Ok." He said, kissing the top of my head. He started talking about his spring break trip, but I just concentrated on his lips moving, or the excitement in his gorgeous hazel eyes. I missed him so much.

Before I knew it, it was 10 and Zayn had to leave.

"I'll see you at dance tomorrow baby." He said, leaning in and kissing my lips, then walking out the front door.

I went into the bathroom, pulling up my shirt and sucking in my stomach. Not too bad. I'm not fat anymore, but it couldn't hurt to drop a few more pounds. I stepped on the scale.

98 lbs

I was below 100! Finally. Probably like most of the girls at our dance studio, the girls that Zayn normally lifts.