The Fifth Member (Little Mix/Perrie Edwards gxg) Part 2

Chapter 22

Perrie's POV:

"Give it up for one of the most insane vocalists in the industry, Perrie Edwards!" The host announced me and I got ready mentally.

Currently I was at the American Music Awards and actually got to perform my solo debut.

After we went back to the UK many things happened. Rumours were spread, we all started to distrust each other and eventually our distrust turned to yelling, arguments, insults... and many of them stung.

I remember that day all too well. The day we all chose to disband.

But I don't remember it nearly as well as the day Beth packed up her stuff from home and left.

Granted, it was probably my fault, but I still couldn't forgive her for actually leaving.

On the day when we disbanded, we had promised to stay civilised at least, but no one actually kept that promise. We avoided each other like the plague and after a year I got used to having them gone.

But the reason we disbanded were Beth and I, all of it wouldn't have ever happened if we hadn't come out.

Sure, we'd probably still be stuck with our annoying nickname 'local mix' but that didn't mean it was worth losing them, losing her.

I miss Jesy's annoying laugh, I miss Leigh's cluelessness, I miss Jade's answers to questions in interviews when none of us spoke.

And most of all I miss her.

I miss her smile, her voice, her eyes, her laugh, her cute habit of running her thumb along her bottom lip, her familiar hold...

I miss her in general.

After she left I didn't hear another thing about her. Many people wondered where she was, TMZ and Daily Mail took that opportunity to once again spread rumours and fake news.

Some assumed that after our harsh disbanding she had enough of the stardom and simply chose to live a normal private life. Others thought that she hated our guts and was planning a big debut where she'd spill the beans.

But I knew neither were the case. Well, yeah she might be living a private life now but I don't think she doesn't want this career anymore, singing was her passion. She never lied when she said she wanted a career with us by her side. Beth won't continue without us.

I just don't know where exactly she is. It felt weird to ask Sam and Noah when both of them clearly will and should be on Beth's side so I didn't ask them. Both of them were pretty upset with us. These arguments took quite the toll on Beth. She couldn't handle all of us being so mad at each other.

I didn't see her around London and I doubt that she would move back to Fordwich when she quite clearly despises it and the people in it.

Why does it even matter where she is? It's not like I'm gonna get back together with her. What happened won't be fixed easily.

The things we said to each other and how much we hurt each other. It can't be forgotten.

I would be lying if I didn't say I held resentment towards them still. I know it wasn't their fault, but how they blamed Beth and I was unfair. They were our biggest supporters.

It made me protective of Beth who then didn't want me to fight with them which made me turn on her.

After all I didn't understand, I was protecting her, how was I the bad guy?

Now years after I despies thinking about it. It made me mad but also longing back for all of them.

Jesy, Jade and Leigh on the other hand I saw sometimes. Since they aren't staying out of the public I know pretty much everything. It calms me to see that they are at least continuing somehow.

Jade and Leigh even were here tonight. Not together but we all were invited and nominated for our individual solo debut.

Jesy had her debut first and is already working on her first album. So she isn't nominated for anything and she probably didn't want to see us.

Not that we wanted to see each other, but we were a little obligated to come since we are nominees and had no reason not to come.

Unlike them I was asked to perform. I had finished by now and I saw Jade in the crowd. We locked eyes and even from afar I could still tell she was upset right now. The glint her eyes wasn't there and her eyes almost looked glassy.

My heart churned at that. I still care about them, no matter how much we hurt each other with our words, I can't completely cut them off.

Finally Jade broke our eye conatact and looked down. She wiped a little at her eyes telling me I was correct. She was on the verge of crying.

I swallowed thickly and looked down while the crowd applauded. It felt like we were staring at each other for hours.

Composing myself rather quickly I smiled at the crowd while then being led off the stage.

Why are we like this? We all distanced ourselves and now we regret it years later?

"This isn't fair." I mumbled to myself, "You all did this with me. It's all of ours fault."

Although, maybe it really wasn't Beth's fault at all. She tried to be the peacemaker. To let everyone see the others point of view.

I would say she held us together longer. Without her we'd probably have went separate ways sooner.

And now, although she tried to avoid the disbanding, she is seemingly suffering the most from it.

Even if she didn't pursue her solo career, her not being seen anywhere is certainly near impossible. She must really be trying to avoid anything and anyone.

I took a deep breathe. I need to get back out there.

After changing my outfit and getting my makeup redone I went back to my seat.

The award I was nominated for started being announced.

"Leigh-Anne Pinnock, Audacity." The host presented Leigh with her debut.

"Jade Thirlwall, Holding On." He continued.

"Perrie Edwards, Losing You." He said.

Honestly, this entire song is about Beth and many already speculated that. I just couldn't write anything that wasn't about her.

He then announced the other artists and then finally, Selena Gomez and Elle Fanning were giving out this award.

"And the winner is..." Selena trailed off.

"Jade Thirlwall!" The both announced.

Jade looked shocked. Like really not believing she won.

She made her way up and I clapped. I couldn't have it in me to be disappointed about not winning.

She looked so happy, I couldn't help but smile.

"Oh my god..." She said holding the award after hugging Selena and Elle.

Up there she quickly looked to me and after she looked to someone else I followed her line of vision.

She was looking at Leigh.

I dont know how Leigh reacted when Jade won but she also didn't seem that bothered.

"I'm so grateful to have won when there were so many great nominees." Jade said honestly and kept looking between us.

The pit in my stomach started feeling weird like it hurt. She didn't want us to be upset or mad at her.

Why did we all have to mess up so badly?