It Started With a Vacation

Chapter Twenty One

A week has passed since you returned from Dohbar, which means that two standard weeks have gone by since you left Kamino and since the last time you had contact with Crosshair and the Batch. You were thankful for the time it gave you to think everything over, but also hated the anticipation of seeing him again. You had come to a decision, but you worried about how it would go. Every day you wondered if it was the right choice, or if you were making a mistake. Everyone had continued to voice their support for you, and promised to be by your side throughout it all.

Kwol and Ahni were thrilled for you, they couldn't help but express their joy at your decision to have the baby. They even offered to raise them for you, at the palace, so that you could still be in their life. It was one of the best options, but the question of their force-sensitivity also came into play.

What if they were force-sensitive? What would you do then? Would you eventually bring them to the temple, or would you let their abilities fade? And if you gave them to someone else to raise, the Jedi would eventually find them, and then what would you do? Live at the Temple and see your child in the halls, but not be able to tell them the truth?

Codo did all that he could to help you, offering his limited advice and his thoughts when you asked for them. He offered his comfort when you needed it, often late at night after hours of debating in your mind. He listened, talked you through things, and ultimately helped you come to settle with your decision. He also helped you with your decision involving the Crosshair issue.

You knew this wasn't a great choice, or even a good one. You knew you shouldn't do this, but deep down, something was telling you this was the best option. You prayed to the Maker that Crosshair would forgive you for keeping your baby a secret from him. That when you finally had a chance to tell him and introduce them, when it was safe and the war was over, that he would understand.

But you weren't only worried about Crosshair's reaction to keeping them secret, you were worried about how the Council would react if they found out. It was very unlikely that you could get away with keeping this secret, unless you were to leave while you were pregnant and had your child elsewhere.

You wondered how you would lead your men and have this baby, and what you would do after they were born. You didn't want to just leave right after having them, but you didn't want to leave the 17th battalion for too long, either. You knew Ahni and Kwol would happily raise them for you, but you couldn't imagine just giving birth and then leaving.

In the end, the three decisions you've made so far are having the baby, not telling Crosshair yet, and leaving to have them on Dohbar. The risk of the Council knowing, or being near the danger of war, was too high for you to say here. You hated having to leave Coruscant, but at least you would be somewhere familiar surrounded by people who love you.

It was the day that you had decided to tell the Council of your extended leave on Dohbar, and you couldn't stop worrying about them somehow finding out. Codo had told you to be vague, and so you'd been trying all last night and all this morning to think of how exactly to go about this. The sound of your door opening pulled you from your thoughts, and Codo walked in with a smile.

"Are you ready, my ad'ika?" he asked, and you let out a sigh. If you were being honest with yourself, you weren't. You had no idea how this was going to go, and what would happen if it went wrong.

"I have to be," you responded. His smile slipped a bit, and it turned sympathetic. He walked over and placed a hand on your shoulder, and you leaned to rest your cheek on it.

"If you say the correct words, there will be nothing to worry about."

"But if I mess up, then who knows what will happen? This baby," you said, resting a hand on your stomach where a slight bump was, "it's life depends on how this goes. And then if it goes well, it all depends on if I can keep the Council from knowing."