It Started With a Vacation

Chapter Twenty Five

After you put your daughter to bed, you began to get ready to sleep as well. As you got ready, you kept a holotransceiver on, with the other end being in the nursery so you could hear if Cyar'ika started to cry. You took your time, allowing yourself to fully relax after your day. You decided to take a bath, adding a bunch of bubbles, and letting the world around you fade as you rested.

You hadn't realized it, but you'd fallen asleep in the tub, and when you awoke, you instantly sat up. You sensed something strange, and when you grabbed your holotransceiver, you heard soft cries coming from it. When you realized your daughter was upset, you jumped out of the tub, threw on a robe, and made your way to her.

When you walked into the nursery, her cries weren't much louder than they had been through the device. She instantly quieted in your arms when you grabbed her, and she looked up at you with wet cheeks. The sight reminded you of your last morning with Crosshair, and you had to fight back your own tears.

"It's okay, Cyar'ika," you whispered, holding her closer. "It's okay. I'm here." She made a little noise, and you gently rocked her in your arms. When she fidgeted in your hold, you pulled her back slightly to look at her better.

"What's the matter, hmm? What does my little cyare need?" She wiggled again, and you decided to check her. Sure enough, she needed a change, and so you did your best to do exactly as Ahni had taught you. Once done, you carried her out onto your balcony again, and watched as she gazed up at the stars. Her eyes sparkled in wonder as she looked at the night sky, and in that moment you knew you'd made the right choice. Having your little girl was the best decision you've ever made, and you couldn't wait to see her grow. Even with the war still raging, you'd use any spare seconds you got to be with her.

As you rocked her in the night air, Cyar'ika started to drift back to sleep. You gently brushed her thin hair back, and you watched her mouth part slightly. You wished Crosshair could be here, experiencing this with you. You felt a sharp pang of regret at the thought, and closed your eyes to once again fight back the tears.

This wasn't fair, you weren't being fair. Not to Cyar'ika or Crosshair. Your daughter deserved to have her dad in her life, and Crosshair deserved to know about his daughter and see her when he could. Keeping this secret would create a divide later, one that you aren't sure you'll be able to heal. You doubted Crosshair would understand if you waited too long, but you also don't think he'd react well if you told him right away about why you'd really been here, and why you'd kept it secret.

You sighed, stopping your thoughts for long enough to put your baby back in her crib before heading to your room. Once there, you began to think again. You'd made a bad decision with keeping this secret, and what will the consequences be when Crosshair finds out? When will you tell him? What will you do if it goes bad?

You groaned, dragging your hands down your face before dropping them to your sides. It all would have been easier if you'd just been honest, but now you're not sure if you could be. The threat of the war was still present, and the things that might be done if the wrong people found out that Crosshair, a soldier of the GAR, had fathered a child worried you all the same.

But you also knew you couldn't let yourself get worked up over this, because it would affect you and your baby. You needed to have a clear mind for her, and for the 17th when you got back. Being distracted in battle is the last thing you needed, because then Cyar'ika wouldn't have either of her parents. And, you didn't want her to pick up on your stress or anxiety either, because you didn't know how it'd affect her health and mind.

In the morning, you managed to keep those thoughts away and focus on spending time in the moment with her. Your mind lingered on the feelings of warmth and bonding that washed over you as you held your small daughter in your arms. When her eyes twinkled up at you, your whole heart felt full of love at the sight of the most magnificent person in all of the galaxy.