It Started With a Vacation

Chapter 23

When you woke up the next morning, your bed was empty beside you. The bedroom door was open and you could hear someone in the kitchen. Pushing the covers away, you sighed as you got up to go join Crosshair.

When you saw him, there was something different about the way he was standing. It was almost similar to how he was when you first met, as if he was guarding himself. Not physically guarding, but keeping his thoughts and emotions from being expressed.You hated to see him like that, especially after how far you'd come together. Just last night you were talking about having a family, and you didn't want to let him slip back to his old ways.

Walking up to him, you noticed how he only slightly turned his head when he heard you, and didn't acknowledge you more than that. His shoulders even seemed to get more taught, so you hesitated. Did he not want to be around you now? Did you do or say something wrong last night?

"Goodmorning," you said quietly, deciding to speak before acting. He let out a huff, still not looking at you.

"I don't see what's so good about it," he responded. You dropped your shoulders slightly, folding your arms over your chest. You moved up to him then, pressing your cheek against his back. He tensed under you before moving, and you watched as he grabbed a plate and filled it. He silently took it over to your table and set it down, finally turning to you.

"There's your breakfast."

"Crosshair-"

"Are you going to eat it or should I let you make yourself something?"

"Don't be like this," you whispered, letting your hurt show in your eyes. His own remained void of emotion, almost cold, as he looked back at you. After a minute, he sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. You just continued to stand there, watching him, waiting to see what he would do next.

When he let his hand fall, your mouth dropped slightly as what you swore was a tear rolled out of the corner of his eye. He turned away from you, gripping the back of the chair. You didn't know what to do, not knowing if he wanted your comfort or not. Deciding to take it slow, you stepped closer and rested your hand on his shoulder. When he didn't tense this time, you let it slowly move towards his cheek. You moved as well, going to his side. When your palm was flat against his cheek, something small and wet rolled onto it.

"It's going to be okay," you whispered, reaching to rest your other hand on his other cheek. When you did, he reached up and squeezed it. It wasn't hard, but it was desperate. Like he needed to feel your touch. Like he couldn't let go.

"How do you know?" he responded, still not opening his eyes.

"Because, I'm not going to be in any danger-"

"What about me?" he asked, finally looking at you. "You'll be gone for five standard months, all of which I will still be going on missions. What if something happens to me? What if I end up in danger?" You froze then, looking back at him. You hadn't even really considered the possibility of him getting hurt. With the Batch's track record of crazy missions and skill, you never thought that something like that would be a possibility for him, but it was. And it hit you like a force choke.

"You won't," you responded, but even you didn't sound convinced. "You can't. It-it won't happen."

"But what if it does?" he said, "what if we don't get to see each other again? I just...I don't want to be away from you. I just want to be able to live by your side without having to worry about us losing one another."

"We won't," you said, squeezing his hand back. "We'll always be by each other's side. If not physically, then emotionally." He blinked once, twice, holding in the tears that wanted to spill. He'd never been vulnerable like this with you before, and you were scared to do something to make him build his walls back up. But that fear subsided when he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to yours. His other hand came up to gently hold your cheek, thumb rubbing mindlessly against it.