Leigh-Anne was letting water run on her hands to get herself out of her head.
Perrie and Jesy were just having a silly fight. Why did she have to react like that? Was everything just too much? No it's not. Everything's fine. I'm fine. It's all fine. She thought with tears brimming in her eyes. She was so defective.
Kyro came into the bathroom and rubbed his head on her leg.
Leigh sniffed then closed the pipe. I don't need Kyro looking out for me right now. "Kyro go lie down in your bed. I'm fine." She dried her hands then started walking to the main part of her room. She started pacing in front of her dresser when she got there.
Kyro was following her.
"No Kyro you'll get dizzy." Leigh whined.
Kyro stopped pacing when she did. He was looking up at her in concern.
"Kyro, go lie over there." Leigh-Anne pointed.
Kyro took a moment before following her orders.
Leigh couldn't believe that actually worked. Good. At least she had some level of control in her life.
The girl stood in place and took in a deep breath. "It's okay, it's okay, it's okay . . ." She repeated.
Jesy's words of earlier were swarming her mind though. It made Leigh feel as if she gave off the impression that everything was supposed to revolve around her. I don't think everything should. People just treat me as if I'm . . . ultra important or something. She supposed that was good but-
She thought of how poorly she had behaved on the track field. I'm so greedy with Sairah. I just had to see what she and Jade were talking about. I went and invaded their conversation. She started reading Sairah and Jade's private conversation just because she wanted her sister to herself. And Jade too in a way. Jade had to alert Sairah that she was there so they wouldn't expose certain secrets and Sairah still accidentally let something slip which made Leigh act out. And Jesy didn't even get a chance to even talk about it when I asked her 'cause I started crying like a-like-like a- . . . "F*ck!" She held the sides of her head and paced back and forth.
She was so mad at herself. Why couldn't she just be normal?
Every instance was coming back to mind. The dance warehouse where her friends tried not to drink in front of her and how she still ended up having a panic attack, Sairah having to change what she could say to Jade because Leigh was just so offended by her sharing what she wanted to share with her girlfriend, how Sairah decided to have dialogue with her because she begged like an entitled brat, even at the D's Angels Vogue shoot where she almost dissociated just because they were serving alcohol! Perrie had to pull her aside. Oh Leigh. What's wrong with you?
There was a whole list of things that was wrong but . . .
Leigh-Anne kept pacing and flapping her hands to try to calm herself down. What could she say to herself to prevent the panicked anger that was filling her soul? She felt ready to hyperventilate again. "I'm . . . it's okay. I just . . ."
Kyro started barking.
Leigh jumped in place. "Kyro stop it. You're distracting me. I'm trying to calm down."
But her dog kept barking.
Leigh didn't understand him but she tried to block him out. "I can be normal you know. I can be a regular person. I can go out with my friends and do risky things and not have them tone it down to PG 12 like they've got to do around me." She could be a regular teen. She could. Leigh-Anne you can't even go to school like a regular teen. A faint voice in her head said. "I can if I just get a hold of myself. I can do it." She was pacing again.
