His grandparents would have to pay for his funeral and I wouldn't even be here for it. The guys and Jaxon were going to with the other band and I had to make the choice to stay here with Jen and go to Alexei's funeral or go on tour with Jaxon.
That night I didn't sleep at all. Jaxon wanted to stay up with me until I fell asleep but I told him that wasn't a good idea and that if he didn't get any sleep he wouldn't perform as well as he could. He gave in. I think it was from guilt but that was the last thing I needed was guilt. I just stared at the ceiling with blank expression, breathing softly.
Jaxon's arms were wrapped around me but they gave me little to no comfort right now. I would have to make a decision. Stay, go, or stay and go.
***
"Jax. Jax get up." I said shaking his shoulder.
He slowly opened his eyes and a sad smile came to his face.
"You don't look to good Ro." He said sitting up in bed.
"I know. I know." I said standing up out of his bed.
I walked into the bathroom and washed my face and tried to get rid of the dark circles under my eyes.
"Jaxon. I need to talk to you." I said looking in the mirror.
A moment later he stepped into the bathroom and wrapped his arms around me.
"Of course babe. What's up?" He said kissing the curve on my neck.
"I need to, too decide something. And I need to do it before you guys go on tour." I said closing my eyes.
Jaxon stood up straight and looked at me in the mirror.
"What do you mean? We might not even win-" He began but I cut him off.
"You guys are going to win tonight and when you do I'm either going with you or I'm not." I said so fast I had to take a deep breathe.
His eyebrows frowned and he rested his hands on my shoulders.
"What do you mean? I thought you were going with us, with me." He said turning me slowly.
I closed my eyes and took a breath.
"I was, and I still might. But my friend just killed himself and I would like to be at his funeral Jaxon. As much as I want to go on tour with you guys, I want just as much to stay here and say goodbye to my friend." I said a tear escaping.
Jaxon held me close and all at once, I let everything go. Everything I held back. Going back to the moment my dad's whore pissed me off. I just let it all go. My anger and my sadness had disguised for so long that I didn't know how long I could cry.
But one reassuring thing held me together and that was that I had a family now. A family that for the most part had their shit together and that at some point I may have mine together as well. This was the first step in being happy I felt. This was my new beginning, a new start.
I didn't fall in love with the darkness I could have fallen in love with. I fell in love with the idea of a new start to a life that I would be happy in.
YOU ARE READING
Don't Fall In Love
ChickLitRowan is a pissed off teenage girl who was told at a very young age not to fall in love. Her mother and father split when she was only five and she was forced to stay with her father even though she wanted to be with her mother. Now she's bitter. Wh...
