Don't Fall In Love

Living With Mom

It's interesting how a certain event can make you feel so fucking sick. I had stomach pains and my heart felt like it was being squeezed. This was a feeling my mother told me to never ever have, yet I did. Love was a big word though. I wasn't using it yet but there was defiantly a connection. Something pulling me to him and him to me.

Last night felt comfortable. We had a great night. We watched movies, had popcorn, and eventually fell asleep together on the same couch. My fuck up for a dad ruined it all though. Maybe if he hadn't cheated on my mother numerous times my mother wouldn't have had to tell me not to trust love.

Since that day love has been a death sentence. My parents had to love each other for a minute if they wanted to have me but it obviously ended before too long.

"Alright. Let's take a lap and then we'll play some dodge ball." Mr. Delage said to all of us.

Running. I hated running. Today for some reason though... it was easy. I was still the last one to reach the top of the steps but it still ran all the way through the run. After I stopped running though. God it was embarrassing. I ran to a tree and threw up my whole stomach.

"Hey! Freak face! What's the matter?" Someone said behind me.

"Fuck off!" I yelled as I shook.

Laughter. Fucking laughter. This was not my day.

"Enough." Mr. Delage said to everyone.

He walked up to me and told me to go to the nurse. I nodded and hugged my stomach as I made my way inside the building.

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I was happy to get home. It was quiet. I liked the silence. I made a bowl of cereal and walked up stairs. I ate and then sleep again over took me. What the hell is wrong with me? I've never been this tired. Fucking Hell.

I woke an hour later. It was twelve in the afternoon and my phone was ringing. Alexei?

"Rowan?" Alexei asked through the phone. "Rowan please, please just say something. Rowan I'm on lunch break and I want to talk to you. Please. Rowan please we have something. I feel it and I know you feel it too." He said to me.

I thought about saying something. I didn't know what though.

"Rowan. I really like you. A whole bunch. Please I want to try and be with you." He said trying again.

"No. No you don't." I said to him and then hung up.

Then that sick feeling was in my stomach. What a fucked up world this is. I was afraid. I needed my mother but now she was with her guy. A guy she really liked but didn't commit all the way. I could see it in her eyes. She was afraid too. I dialed her number and on the third ring she picked up.

"Momma?" I said to her.

"Rowan? Hun you okay?" She asked me.

"I need your advice."

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My mom nocked on the door fifteen minutes later. I opened it and tears ran free.

"Oh Rowan. Hun what's wrong?" My mom asked me.

"He is the fucking problem." I said wiping my eyes.

"Who? Is this guy bullying you in anyway? What's wrong?"

I laughed and hugged her again.

"I guess you could say that mom. Not in any bad way though. Well I guess it is bad. Mom this guy he's great. He's actually the only person who probably cares that is my age. And- and there's something pulling us together but that's not a good thing. It's a horrible thing mom." I said looking up into her eyes.