Komorebi -namjin

18- sex ≠ sexuality

Unedited

Sex and sexuality are two very different things.

In terms of intimacy, sex is a connection with another. Whether orally or intercourse wise, it involves two or more people, shared breaths and accelerated heartbeats. Sex is intimate, regardless of who is participating.

Sexuality is a way of expression. How people choose to present themselves sexually. But it also represents who a person in into. What gender, if any, attracts a person. Sexuality is more about finding and figuring out oneself, whereas sex is usually the aftermath of it.

Despite being experienced in the art of sex, Namjoon knows little to nothing about sexuality. He knows how to be sexual, and can tell when someone is sexual towards him, but when it came to different types of sexuality, he barely knew a thing.

He knows there are bi-sexual, gay, straight, and pansexual, thanks to Yoongi. But everything else was either hard to understand or hard to remember. He's fine with it, though. His best friend has been pan since he came out in middle school. Namjoon wasn't disgusted or disappointed, he was just sad that Yoongi didn't tell him sooner since the boy spent most of middle school in the closet.

For his whole life leading up to this point, Namjoon has liked girls. It had been the norm for him. Women always came to him, were always attracted to him. And he always sought them out as well, both sexually and romantically. He knows, or at least he thought he knew, what attracted him. And it was always women. But after last night, he knows that it's changed.

Because Seokjin isn't a woman. He doesn't have breasts, which Namjoon likes. He's muscular, not slim and feminine like how Namjoon would perfer. He also has a dick, and never in his life would Namjoon think he'd ever suck a man's dick like he did last night. But he did. It happened and as much as he kinda wants to forget it, he knew he had to admit to it himself.

He's spooning Seokjin while shirtless, listening to their calm breaths fall in sync. There's a part of him that feels dejected. It's like a heavy guilt, about the weight of a golf ball, forming in his check the more he thinks about last night. He enjoyed it, especially the foreplay, but after that, he can't deny it anymore.

Something is there. He feels something for him. Because Namjoon knows he wouldn't ever just suck another man off without there being some type of strings attached. He wants to believe that he's straight, he really does. But straight guys don't give each other blow jobs.

He can only say "no homo" so many times before things get too homo for them to be defended.

His fingers graze the warm skin on Seokjin's hip. He finds himself exploring a bit, allowing his palm to caress his smooth thigh before coming back up and sliding into the dip of his waist. Seokjin is so soft. His skin is like silky fabric, the color of milk tea, and damn does he taste just as sweet. He must shave a lot to be so hairless. For a moment, he's distracted with feeling him up, dipping behind his thigh and cupping his ass cheek. A brief thought flooded his head. He wondered how it would be to see Seokjin spread out from behind, taking him whole.

"Well good morning to you, too." Seokjin mutters, scooching back into Namjoon's chest.

Namjoon flushes with embarrassment from being caught. He returns his hand back to Jin's hip only for the older male to place it back to his ass.

"I don't mind," he says. His voice is deeper than usual, probably because he just woke up. "Can I tell you a TMI?"

Tucking his face behind Seokjin's neck, Namjoon nods. Seokjin is always warm, he wants to be enveloped in his warmth. "Sure," he mutters out.