A Testament to When I Loved You

VI. two sides of the family

November 13, 2021

Two Sides of the Family

I.

"He deserves someone better than you."

I know it was supposed to be a joke,

But coming from you—my own blood—

Made it hurt a little more.

Especially when it's a thought I had pondered myself,

"He deserves someone better than me"

Because all he offers is kindness and respect,

And all I give back are small smiles and short laughs,

I can't look at him without seeing

All the things I hate about myself—

The type of person that I used to be,

The type of person I've tried to change,

"You're so mean to him, you don't appreciate him"

Am I supposed to follow in your footsteps?

Praise him to no end? Recognize how I fall short

Of kindness—sharing facts that we both already know?

You told me not to give the wrong impression,

I told myself I don't want to break anymore hearts,

When I look at him, I know that

"He deserves someone better"

Or is that just my excuse?

I can't force myself to feel a certain way

The way I force myself to thank him

For useless facts, just to make you happy

I hate myself for feeling this way

For feeling angry, annoyed, frustrated

For hating on him because of the parts of me

That I'm not happy with, that you're not happy with

So please, please, would you please

Stop comparing the two of us?

I'm already choking on this

Unwanted attention, unwarranted attention

"He deserves someone better than me"

II.

"I think he fits you just right"

"The type of relationship where the two of you communicate clearly"

I drank your words voraciously,

Like famined fields embrace long awaited rain,

A great relief flooded through,

Strong winds on a long forgotten plain,

Thank you for understanding me,

Thank you for not comparing me,

Thank you for validating me,

Thank you for listening to me,

Though our time together is always brief,

You're always there to believe in me,

Even when I'm starting to doubt myself

Thank you.