A Testament to When I Loved You

XX. string of thoughts

December 7, 2021

A String of Incoherent Thoughts Running through the Mind:

I thought this was something we overcame,

But no matter how far we've roamed the forest,

I always come back to this groove,

Where I hurt myself, and the sting of

Pain pulses and bleeds until

It does not hurt anymore. Yet,

When the pain is gone, it is as if

Something that once was went missing.

Can I replace this gap with something else?

I miss you.

You said you felt as if I was

Moving on without you, but it's you

Who have flown away from my grasp.

I wouldn't wish for anything in the world,

If it meant we could spend more time together,

I was with you at your beginning,

And I promise that

I'll stay till the very end.

I want to cry an ugly cry,

And let those frustrations wash away

Everything I worry about,

Everything I don't understand,

And I want you to laugh at me,

Let me flush in embarrassment

For how ridiculous I am,

But love me all the same.

December is a wistful time,

Because we look back at the year and

Realize how much we could have done.

Christmas is a nostalgic season,

Because I remember the days when you were still here,

Watching movies with me each holiday,

Instead of just sending a simple text

Wishing me the best.

Where is the land between the oceans

Of overwhelming feelings or feeling

Nothing at all?

I've been lost at sea for far too long,

Constantly crossing the lines between

Two waters that I don't understand.

Instead, why don't we take to the sky?

And forget about everything?

You told me that you wanted me to

Live my best and enjoy life while

I am still young.

But what does it mean to live the life,

How can I when all my conversations

Feel empty and I

Cut my feelings off from the world?

No, I don't want to talk about it,

When I don't know what it is,

Nothing is upsetting me but myself,

This constant feeling of being

Unsatisfied overlooks me and I

Can't shake it.