Marvel Women One Shots

Feelings Part 1 - Kate Bishop

Warnings: not being enough for your parents (idk how else to word this)

This one shot is more of a vent because this is the reality that I live in.

1 year before the events of Hawkeye

Kate and y/n walked down the streets of New York, hand in hand as they both tried to keep warm. Snow fell gently, adding a cinematic sense to the scene of the two girls. Both were in the city visiting their parents for the holidays. It was Christmas in a few days and Kate and y/n were on Christmas break. What better way to spend it then in New York?

Y/n smiled at the thought of Kate walking next to her, their hands intertwined. The two had only been on a few dates with each other, but it had been a happy few weeks. Y/n met Kate at a martial arts tournament when they both were 15 and still in high school. The two had made it into the finals and had to face off against each other. Kate won of course. But after the tournament was over, the two met each other again in the locker room and began a friendly conversation. Apparently Kate went to y/n's rival high school. So the two exchanged numbers and became quick friends, usually hanging out whenever their schools played each other in sports. After graduation, they both went to the same college and were now around each other almost 24/7. Now they were both Juniors and ever so excited to graduate and be done with school. It had been Kate to ask y/n out on a date, claiming that she had caught feelings for her when they first started college together. Y/n happily accepted, returning the admission of feelings for Kate.

Eventually, the two found themselves at Kate's apartment building. The brunette let go of y/n's hand and pulled out her keys, unlocking the door. Stepping aside, she held the door open for y/n, who smiled kindly in return. They made their way up to Kate's apartment, which really just looked like a restaurant turned into a makeshift living space.

Y/n took off her coat and hung it up next to the door and plopped down at the kitchen table. Kate walked into the kitchen and emerged a few minutes later with two cups of hot chocolate. She placed one in front of y/n and then sat down with the other across from her at the kitchen table.

The two sat there in a comfortable silence, sipping the hot cocoa.

"So...what do you wanna do?" y/n asked, placing her half finished drink back down on the table. She knew the date was technically over but she didn't exactly want to leave Kate's company to go back to her own lonely apartment.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you something." Kate asked, nervously glancing between her own drink and y/n.

"Go for it." Y/n urged, now with a smirk across her lips.

"Listen, I've really enjoyed these last few weeks with you, and I was wondering if you wanted to make it official? Will you be my girlfriend?"

y/n pov

I blinked, staring at Kate, trying to get my brain to process the question put before me. Had she really just asked that. Oh boy...what do I say?

Then I realized I was staring with a blank expression.

I smiled at Kate, trying my best to not show my breaking heart, but the truth had to come out.

"Kate, every part of me wants to say yes to that question. I want to be your girlfriend, but I can't." I croaked out, trying to keep my voice from breaking. I watched as her face fell from eager hopefulness to confusion and hurt.

"What do you mean?" she asked, sadness nipping at the edge of her voice.

"I can't...I can't date anyone." I stuttered. Oh yeah, that was a great response. "I can't date because of my parents."

Kate just stared at me with a questioning look. She had met my parents several times, surely she knew what I was getting at.

But she didn't, and I would have to explain it all and break her heart. God, I hate this.

"Kate, I'm not out to my parents yet, and in reality I could never come out to them. You know how religious they are. It wouldn't go well." I said, trying my best to keep eye contact with her, but ultimately entering into a staring contest with my cup of hot cocoa.

"I know but you're an adult. You're 21, y/n. You don't need their permission to do things anymore." Kate reasoned.

She wasn't wrong. I was 21 years old and technically an adult. I was no longer living at home or operating under my parents' rules. But she wasn't getting it. Sure, that's how Kate's mother treated her now. It wasn't how mine treated me.

"Yeah, you're right. But the thing is that if I came out to my parents, all I would do is disappoint them...and I can't do that. I've done enough of that throughout my life." My voice trailed off towards the end.

"What do you mean?" Kate asked, not in an angry or frustrated way, but in a concerned and questioning voice.

I sighed, not exactly wanting to explain things, but I had to. It's what Kate deserved after me turning her down.

"I spent my entire life trying to make my parents proud. I worked my ass off in school because I knew how much my parents valued academics. I tried my hardest to get involved in the church I grew up in because for some reason my parents thought that was important. I tried to make friends with people my mother would approve of so I could have some semblance of human interaction outside my family. Every time, I failed." I started, trying to keep my voice steady as I explained myself. "My grades were never good enough for them, I never did enough for the church in their opinion, and apparently I did a horrible job at picking friends. All I ever did was disappoint them." I took a deep breath, feeling my emotions build up. "I made a promise to myself, to do everything in my power to make them proud. Sometimes to do that, it means denying who I am and what I want."

I stared at Kate, watching her process my reasons. She knew some of this, having met my extremely religious parents and having endured my parents constant requests to pray for her. But I had never told her why I worked so hard in school.

"Y/n, you could never be a disappointment to them. You're their daughter." Kate said, trying to fix a 21 year old mental wound that never healed.

"But I do know that I am, because my whole life they never failed to tell me how selfish I am and how much I disappoint them. I worked hard to graduate high school with a 3.89 GPA. Because of my hard work, I earned enough scholarships to pay for over half my college tuition. But according to them, I still could have done better. I could have worked harder to get an A in my AP US History class. I could have worked harder to understand Algebra 2 better. I could have chosen to take Calculus instead of Statistics, which would have made me more desirable to more high end colleges. I'll never do enough for them, and all I'll do is disappoint them."

"You don't know that you would disappoint them if you came out to them." Kate tried again, obviously still hanging onto some hope that I would say yes to being her girlfriend.

"Kate, everything in me wants to come out to them and everything in me wants to be your girlfriend. You make me so incredibly happy and being with you feels so right. But don't you see? There's no future with me." I snapped, now staring at Kate with a new kind of frustration, not towards her, but towards myself. "I can never make you happy. I know I might be jumping-the-gun here but I could never date long term. I could never fall in love. I could never get engaged or married or ever start a family. All I would do is disappoint you too because in the end I have to try and make my family proud. So, to keep you from getting hurt later down the road, it would be better if you...loved someone else."

Kate just sat there, staring at me. I could see the gears turning in her head as she chewed on my words.

We sat there for a few seconds in silence as the whole conversation hung uncomfortably in the air. Eventually I concluded that Kate was furious with me, so I got up and went to grab my coat.

"I'm sorry Kate. I'm sorry I ruined what we had. I'm sorry I ruined our friendship. I'll see myself out." I muttered, pulling on my coat and turning to my friend once more.

She still looked too blank to read. So I opened the apartment door and walked out, leaving behind a good friend that I had hurt badly.

It was only until I reached my own apartment that I finally broke down and cried. I had lost one of the few people I genuinely cared about, and it was all my fault.