Marvel Women One Shots

Old habits will haunt - Kate Bishop

Warnings: talks of depression, anxiety, and self harm

This is honestly a vent post. My mental health decided to yeet itself off the deep end, so that's been fun. 

Anyways, relapsing is a trip...

Big sister Kate makes a return!

I am working on the other requests, so bear with me while I keep working on those. I'm sorry it's taking me so long to get stuff published.

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Things haven't been going very well for me lately. High school was beating my ass and my mental health was taking a dive off the deep end.

Okay, that might be a tad dramatic, but it's how it feels inside my head. I feel like I'm drowning in my own head.

Honestly, I was just trying to keep a float.

I could hear my sister Kate and Lucky snoring softly in the next room. They were both passed out, and rightfully so since it was very late at night. I, however, was not wrapped up in the warmth of my own bed. Instead, I was wrapped up in the cold shadow of my own mind.

Damn...I really do sound like a drama queen.

Truth be told, everything was starting to get to me, like the overwhelming workload of high school. I was a senior and it felt like everyone was watching me. Not to mention that there was my constant anxiety over Kate's wellbeing when she would go and do her Avenger work with Cassie or Peter or Yelena. I knew she could take care of herself, especially with some of the other Avengers there with her, but still, Kate's my big sister. I kind of need her in my life. The nights where she would come home, bloodied and bruised wouldn't help my anxiety that comes with being related to a crime fighter. Then there would be my own mental health problems that I feel like I've dealt with forever. Depressive episodes would come and go, leaving me even more wrecked than when they began. No matter how much progress it felt like I was making over time, I could always count on my depression to be a mood wrecker and put me right back at square one. Although Kate has been a big help lately, learning what to do and what not to do when I was having a downward spiral. Kate's kept me sane over the last few months.

Lately however, my mind has been taking advantage of me again. My depression was once again creeping in, and my mind was trying to get me to go back to old coping mechanisms. I didn't want to do that. I was almost a year clean from my self harming and a lot of my older scars were starting to fade a bit. I could visibly see myself healing and all I wanted to do was destroy any progress I had made.

Kate knew of my struggles with this kind of stuff, and she had been a major reason to keep clean. But lately it wasn't enough.

It's not that I didn't want to be clean, because I so desperately do. I just miss the feeling of it, the way it makes everything go away for a little while. And that's what I wanted, to have everything that was overwhelming me just fucking go away.

I had been sitting propped up in my bed, staring at the wall, my head swirling with these thoughts. My bathroom was feeling more and more desirable. I just wanted to go and lock myself in there and let myself be in pain.

No...I can't let myself do that. I don't want to do that, but I so desperately do.

Kate's POV

I remember suddenly being stirred awake in the middle of the night. At first I thought it was just Lucky when I felt the bed dip suddenly, but when I looked around, trying to find the fur ball, I didn't see him. That's when I noticed y/n, crawling into bed right next to me.