Marvel Women One Shots

Helping - Kate Bishop

Warnings: mentions of torture and Pietro's death

I laid awake in bed, listening to Kate's steady breathing right next to me. It was late at night, maybe around one or two in the morning, but I wasn't tired. Well, technically I was exhausted but my mind wouldn't shut off. So, I just sort of sat there, not knowing what to do to get myself to fall asleep. I knew I could wake up Kate and ask for help but I didn't want to bother her. I had all these past memories playing on my mind, a ton of things that I wished I could forget, and things I didn't exactly feel like talking about.

    Sighing, I sat up and looked around, deciding on what to do. I obviously wasn't going to get any sleep anytime soon, so I might as well make a good use of my time. I grabbed a pair of  training clothes and went into the bathroom to change. Emerging, I took one look at Kate, who was still sound asleep, and left the bedroom. I made my way downstairs and into the training room. I wasn't exactly surprised to find it empty. The two people who usually did late night training were Natasha and Bucky, who both were away on a mission with Wanda and Thor. So it was just Steve, Tony, Bruce, Clint, Vision, Kate and myself still here at the compound.

    After stretching for a few minutes, I made my way over to the punching bags and began throwing hits. I had thought about wrapping my hands and I could remember the numerous lectures Natasha and Steve had given me about this, but I didn't care at this moment. I just wanted to get my frustration out on something.

    As my punches became more intense, my memories became more intense. My past in Hydra, being trained and worked on along with Wanda and her brother Pietro. Just like the twins had received powers, I had been given the power to teleport. It wasn't a fun process to go through, let alone learn to master.

    Then Pietro's death flashed before me as I continued hitting the bag as hard as I could. I could have saved him. I should have. I have the power to goddamn teleport. I could have gotten Clint and the kid out of there. I could have been the one to take the bullets instead of Pietro. Or I could have taken out the pilot of the jet that shot at Clint. I knew I would never forgive myself for it, when I could have done something about it. I was just frozen in place and didn't have a moment to process what was happening. But before I knew it, he was dead on the floor and I just watched like an idiot.

    The tests, the things I had done, the memories, the torture from that godforsaken Hydra base, all flashed before my eyes as I kept punching, and punching, and punching. The frustration, the anger...the regret.

    I had been sent into the field a couple of times to have my powers battle tested. The same thing happened to the twins. My tests just lasted longer because the scientists wanted to know the full range of my powers. I was sent into the field to steal, to kidnap, to kill. All things I regretted doing. At the time it didn't seem like I had a choice but now that I am older, I realize I could have tried to go against the orders I had been given. I could have done something to resist. I could have done more.

    But that was just it...I never did enough.

    I was barely aware of a voice calling me in the back of my mind but I ignored it, dismissing it as a part of my flashbacks. But it kept calling, calling my name and growing louder. I just kept punching.

    "Y/n!" a voice yelled behind me as a hand landed on my shoulder.

    I whirled around and raised my fist, ready to strike the voice, still half trapped in my memories.

    Kate held up her hands in surrender and took several steps back as I stopped my fist halfway through the swing.

    "Kate!?" I gasped, my body slumping forward slightly. "I'm sorry..." I was out of breath and I was slightly aware of a sharp stinging coming from my hands.

    "What are you doing down here?" She asked concerned, coming forward again once I dropped my unintentional fist.

    "I couldn't sleep so I decided to come and train." I said, still catching my breath as I ran a hand through my hair.

    That's when I felt some kind of liquid run down my fingers. I looked at my hands and saw blood trickling from several open wounds on my knuckles. I slightly paled at the sight. So that's what that stinging sensation was.

    Kate saw this too and instantly went into overprotective-girlfriend mode. She took both my hands in hers and began dragging me to one of the benches in the training room and pulled out a first aid kit from the nearby cabinet. She then sat down next to me and took out several packets of gauze. Placing my hands in her lap, she began wiping away the blood. I winced at the pressure.

    "What's going on?" Kate asked softly as she worked.

I just watched her for a moment, not exactly wanting to talk about it.

"I couldn't get my mind to shut off...couldn't get my past out of my head." I mumbled as I tried to keep the pain and my exhaustion out of my voice. I don't think I did a very good job at that because she just stared at me with either sympathy or pity.

Kate knew most of my past, how I was used by Hydra like Wanda, how I was given powers, some of the things I did for that organization. Somehow she had found a way to help me forgive myself for some of it. She saw past those things, knowing that I wasn't that person anymore and that I didn't exactly have a choice when I was with Hydra.

"Listen to me, y/n. I love you, more than anything, and you need to know it's the truth. You need to know it so deep down that you feel it in your bones. You aren't all those things anymore. You are not a part of Hydra anymore. You're not a lab experiment any more. You are my girlfriend, my favorite person, and my love." Kate said gently, but with a certain finality that I knew I couldn't argue with her.

"I hate that you always know how to make me feel better." I said, in an attempt to make a joke, which got Kate to giggle."I love you too, Katie. Thank you." I smiled, leaning forward and pulling her into a thankful kiss, which she returned with a smile.

Once we pulled away, she finished bandaging my hands, planting a soft kiss on my sore knuckles and gently pulling me up.

"Come on you troublemaker, let's get some sleep." Kate whispered, leading me out of the training room and back to our shared room.

I changed out of my sweaty clothes and back into my pajamas, crawling back into bed with Kate. I wrapped myself around her body as she held me close, holding me tightly.

"Thank you for taking care of me." I mumbled as I nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck.

"You're welcome, baby. I'll always be there to take care of you." she replied, kissing the crown of my head.