Lilly & Julian

Chapter 22: 'We need a break.'

"You truly want me to have a heart attack don't you Lilly?"

My jaw clenched and a sudden wave of anger washed over me. I shut my eyes, trying to breathe in deep breaths and started counting mentally to avoid causing a murder in this hotel. His provocation was testing my limits.

He gave a humourless laugh after my lack of response, "Can you seriously stop fucking with us Lilly? First you kept all this a secret for months from us and now you're telling me you aren't even getting a treatment. I think the message is pretty clear at this point that you in fact want to die."

"Julian, you don't know what you're talking about. You don't even have the faintest clue about it. So, it'd be better if you stop saying all this shit." I whirled and raised my hands while speaking for emphasis but mostly to stop them from strangling his throat.

He regarded me critically, "Then explain it to me damnit! Why are you doing is? Why are you so hellbent on hurting us even more as if telling us you've cancer wasn't enough?! Why are you fucking acting like a selfish kid throwing a tantrum for a toy?!"

Selfish. That one word undid me.

"Because I'm fucking scared you bastard! I'm scared that I'd end up dying just the way my mom did. And I don't fucking want that! I want to live my life happily instead of end up rotting on a bed in a room smelling like death and depression!

"Because in the former I at least can pretend that I'm happy. That I'm normal. And if that makes me selfish as you said then let it be because I'm aware of it! You think I don't feel guilty about any of this? Well, news flash I always have to carry a burden of guilt with me wherever I go! And even when I forget about it for a while, my conscience is always there to remind me!"

I was breathing heavily by the end, adrenaline coursing through my veins and tears stung in my eyes. I knew I was selfish; I knew I was hurting everyone but what I didn't know was that hearing this from Julian out of everyone would hurt a lot worse.

"Lilly, Lilly, Lilly, calm down. Shh, calm down." Julian was in front of me in three long strides, circling his one large muscular arm around my waist while holding my head with his other hand on his chest.

His warmth, sharp cologne and the smell of him engulfed me, making me feel a lot more overwhelmed than I was a few seconds ago leading to a breakdown.

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Twenty minutes later, we stood side by side in his room's balcony overlooking a breathtaking view more than worthy of being a painting.

He said without looking at me, "So, it's final? You're not going to get a treatment."

The last part was more of a statement than a question.

I rested my arms against the grill, a quiet sigh escaping my lips, "For now. I still have a week if I change my mind."

He nodded thoughtfully, "Okay, but I'll still say this, Lilly," I sensed his gaze on me finally, "You're living in a prejudice. What if the treatment actually worked? I'm not forcing you to get it, I'm just suggesting you to give it a mere thought. The decision is up to you at the end of the day and I will be there to support no matter what because well, I love you."

My throat constricted making it hard for me to swallow and I scoffed lightly.

"What? You don't believe I love you?"

After a moment I looked at him, "Love is a heavy word, Julian. We can love food, we can love a celebrity, we can love a song. But I don't think anyone can love a girl who once used to be worse than medusa because her looks might have changed but her personality is still the same."

I shook my head once, "So, no. I don't think you love me."

It certainly felt good to relieve everything that had been stressing me out, whether the thing was recent or not. And if Julian's expression was any indication, it just made me more satisfied.

"Merde, you were listening that day." He raked his hand through his hair messing it even more, "Now everything makes perfect sense. Man, I'm damn oblivious."

I chuckled, "That I agree on."

His heated gaze met mine causing my breath to hitch, a shudder went through my body and butterflies erupted in my stomach.

But mouth said the complete opposite, "I think we should spend some time apart."

I raised a hand at his outraged look, "To think, Julian. We both don't know what to do. We don't know what to do with us because we haven't processed everything that has happened and I sure as hell am not going to spend everyday arguing with you. It makes sense, Julian. We need a break."

"I don't want to lose the time that is left with us, Lilly."

He looked so broken. Defeated.

"But it's what we need to do."

He laced our fingers together, "At least let me do this right now with you because I am afraid what future has held for us and whether I'll get another chance or not."

I knew what he was talking about. And I nodded because it made sense what he said.

And because I myself had longed for it for so long.

Then his lips crashed against mine. In perfect sync, as though made for this our lips mingled together. The kiss wasn't slow neither was it in a rush. It was somewhere in between, cold and hot, hard and soft, a kiss which perfectly described us.

A kiss which was worth the wait for.

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ngl writing the kiss gave me butterflies. 

also whenever i write a ch for this book, im always reminded of the songs from the movie befikre maybe cuz it was also set in paris and some parts of the song are actually describing the characters but i really do get reminded of them. 

Anyway, 

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