Where Eternity Begins (SOW #4)

22.

Eys Rio Calvez
You will always be our little angel.

I stared at the name and felt my heart breaking. Looking at Ryle talking to his twin's grave breaks me more. If only, I could protect myself. If only I was strong enough.

Five years ago when Raijin left me alone, fighting for my life against those two intruders. I remember how I tried to fight back but ended up failing with no one to help me.

Even him. He chose to leave than to stay with me and talk about our pains. He chose to leave me when we are both at our lowest.

I don't want to feel it but I'm blaming him. I'm mad at him for leaving me alone, instead of fixing things and talking about it. I'm mad because he wasn't there when me and my baby's lives is at risk. Sinisisi ko siya kasi wala siya noon pero mas sinisisi ko ang sarili ko dahil sa nangyari.

I woke up the next day, only to find Kuya and Ate beside me, talking to a doctor. Their conversation broke me.

"Mrs. Anderson is pregnant for about 2 months and I'm glad to say that she's having a twin but I'm sorry to tell you that only one of them survived. Hindi kinaya ng isang baby ang impact ng nangyaring pagsuntok sa tiyan ni Mrs. Anderson. It's dangerous and only one survived. I'm sorry."

I mourned right after the doctor left the room. Hindi nila ako mapatahan hanggang kinabukasan. That time, I kept asking myself if I deserve this. Hindi ba ako mabuting nanay? Hindi ko ba deserve magkaanak?

Nawala na nga sa akin si Kim, pati ba naman ang isa ko pang anak? Even Raijin slips away.

What did I do to deserve that pain?

For years, I kept asking myself until I saw Ryle. Until I heard his cries. Until he's placed in my arms. Naniwala ako na totoo ang kasabihan na kapag may nawala, may kapalit. I hate to admit and accept that my daughter and son is gone but with Ryle, I was able to surpass the pain. Still, Kim and Rio is engraved in my heart. That will never change.

Raijin? I don't know.

The relationship I thought would last long, breaks apart. Totoo nga na kahit gaano katibay ang relasyon, may mga sitwasyin talagang hindi na kayang i-handle. Kahit gaano katatag, nasisira pa rin.

He came to the hospital. I know that. Whenever I close my eyes to rest, I'm hearing his footsteps. I always pretend to sleep but ended up listening to his cries. But sadly, the comfort he's always giving me is gone. Puro sakit at galit ang naramdaman ko noon habang pinapakinggan ang boses niya.

After I recovered, I immediately asked Kuya that I wanna go away. I want to live far away that place. He immediately said okay and Ate Daniella told me about this house her auntie owned. Wala na raw ang Auntie niya pero ibinigay sa kaniya ang bahay na ito kaya sa akin niya pinagamit dahil wala din naman daw gumagamit.

Namalagi kami dito sa isla at nakilala ang mga kapitbahay namin. Mahirap noong una pero hindi nila kami pinabayaan. Hindi ko inakala na napakabait ng mga tao dito. Parang pamilya na sabay sabay kakain ag magsasalo sa meryenda.

It was hard but with Ryle beside me, I was able to surpass the hard times. I was able to start a new life without Jin.

Before I left, I asked my Kuya to help me file a divorce. I signed it before I left and have my Kuya sent it to Jin. Hindi ko alam kung anong ginagawa niya doon pero sigurado akong pumirma siya.

Kuya said Raijin signed.

"Tapos, alam mo ba? We visited our sister!" Ryle's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. Napatingin ako sa kaniya at nakitang nakasalampak siya sa sahig at kausap ang kakambal niya. Huminga ako nang malalim at naupo sa tabi niya.