(COMPLETE) Oh Cr...ofters, We're 30?! - Prinxiety Fanfiction

How Did He Know?

Summary: It's a lazy Saturday morning for Virgil and Roman, and they plan on doing nothing but spend time as a family. They meet their second neighbour though - and he is the first to immediately suspect something's wrong with the married couple next door.

Roman and Virgil had been living together for almost a month, and it was a calm weekend. They didn't have anything planned for the weekend – Logan had excitedly told Virgil he was going to be attending a conference but neither parents had the courage to sort out childcare for Nathan and attend since they were actually secretly teenagers and really would benefit from childcare themselves.

So Saturday became a lazy morning for the small family. They woke up when Nathan woke up and climbed into his parents' bed, and then went downstairs to the living room/kitchen where Roman and Nathan decided what to watch on Disney Plus and Virgil started cooking some breakfast quesadillas. The house was silent apart from Roman and Nathan's small whispers. "Peter Pan! Can we watch Peter Pan Dad?" Nathan's voice loudened, his joy showing so obviously through his voice and it was so adorable. Fuck it, Roman and Virgil made a cute kid – of course they wanted to create another being.

"Just don't take any lessons from the story kiddo." Virgil shouted into the living room as he placed the quesadillas on plates to serve to his family. When he looked into the living room he spotted Nathan watching him with an innocent curiosity, and Roman glaring at him in blasphemous confusion. The look Roman gave Virgil was kind of attractive and made the nervous father want to annoy his 'husband' more. "Oh come on Princey, don't tell our five year old that it's totally fine to believe a random stranger when they tell you to jump out of a window, after they've broken into your house. He could get hurt."

Roman scoffed and rolled his eyes, turning on the Peter Pan movie and getting up from the floor where he and Nathan decided they were comfortable. "Don't let your childhood spirit ever die, kiddo. How long until we can eat?"

"Patience! I'm just adding seasoning." Virgil said back as he grated salt and pepper over the pieces of bread, focusing on making the meal look at appetising as possible. It made him relax when he could make food worthy on Instagram – although seeing Nathan's smiling face was worth a million social media likes. What didn't make Virgil relax was Roman coming up behind him, resting a hand on the counter beside the plates and gazing at the work from behind Virgil's shoulder. Even if Roman wasn't attractive Virgil valued having personal space. "Do you like it?" He eventually managed to utter out. Roman grabbed the plates as soon as the seasoning shakers hit the counters. Roman also took a bite as soon as he had his hands on the food too and mumbled in delight at the taste.

"Aw, this is great! I swear you need to be a chef in your lifetime." Nathan grinned as soon as he got his breakfast and ate straight away, his eyes glued on the TV. Roman and Virgil sat on the sofa with their food on their laps, watching Nathan with small smiles. Well, Virgil was watching Roman while he was watching Nathan. It seemed like the perfect time for Virgil to lean on Roman's shoulder while watching their son... So he did.

At first Roman didn't say anything about the unusual affection, just brought an arm around the other's shoulders and stroked his arm just in case this was the outcome of another panic again. But once it became clear there was no panic abound Roman laughed. "Looks like someone's cuddly today."

"Shut up I'm just tired." Virgil snapped back, hoping his cheeks weren't heating up, his eyes now glued to the delicately drawn animation of the 1953 Disney classic. Roman laughed but said nothing more – and it was a peaceful silence again until Nathan quizzed Roman on how shadows were made.

But then there was a knock on the door.

Roman was the first to perk up and look towards the front door. "Are we expecting Lo?" He chirped as Virgil shook his head. "We're definitely not expecting Re. And didn't Pat say he had a new emergency placement when you saw him yesterday?" After some more hesitation Roman stood, placing the breakfasts in the sink before opening the door.

At the other side of the door was a man dressed in a simple yellow button up and jeans, with a black bowler hat with half of his head shaved and tattoos over his arms. Roman tried to hide his confused expression at the new person. "I would say something like 'can I borrow your flour' like a normal neighbour but we can both expect I just need to escape from Remus."

OK... Roman was processing things slowly but this was one of his neighbours? And he lived with Remus? Wait – so this was Janus right? Now he understood what he was meant to do with this situation. "Hey Janus! How are you?" Virgil also seemed to have a familiar look on his face once he saw Janus' full face. The neighbour walked into the living room nonchalantly, only giving a small and awkward wave to Nathan and Nathan seemed to match his energy with only a happy gleam. "You want tea or coffee or anything? Sorry we're all in pjs, we had a late sleep-in today." Roman disappeared into the kitchen, but Janus didn't sit down. He just looked back and forth from one father to the other.

"Are the two of you OK?"

"Of course! I still have a breakfast quesadilla in the fridge, did you put that in the fridge baby?" Virgil also stood and looked towards his husband in the kitchen, speaking with cringy pet names that made slight heat rush to his cheeks when he said them. But by now Virgil and Roman were used to acting like a couple. Logan had visited at least three times, and Patton had even visited once after work one day. And no-one had suspected a thing.

But Janus still refused to sit down and just watched the couple walk around their environment like they were playing pretend. He furrowed his eyebrows, stuffed his hands in his pockets and moved his eyes over to Nathan. "Hey kid?" Nathan looked back up with a smile. "Can you like, leave the room for a sec? But pretend I said that in a fun way."

"I can show you the artwork I made yesterday at school?" The little boy chirped, completely distracted from his film surprisingly in order to talk to the adult. When Janus nodded Nathan ran back upstairs. Roman and Virgil were still discussing breakfast quesadillas and taxes for some reason?

"How long have you guys been like this?" Janus walked into the kitchen and leant against the doorway so neither father had an escape from this conversation. He could definitely tell something was up – but Virgil and Roman were looking shocked and exchanging looks of disbelief with each other.

Virgil was the first to speak in an anxious laugh. "What do you mean? We've been married for years and in love since high school!" Other people might excuse the high-pitched and nervous tone in Virgil's voice as his usual anxiety but Janus knew better.

"Oh really? When did you get married?"

Virgil's eyes flashed back to Roman for a second, and he gave the same hidden-confused look. There was a second of silence before Virgil started speaking again. "Um... June?"

The look of relief Virgil tried to hide once Janus nodded seemed quite funny. Roman smirked and squeezed Virgil's hand in congratulations. There seemed to be a silent communication that they were somehow succeeding at this deceit. "What date then?"

Roman this time was the one to confidently smirk, wrapping his arms around Virgil's waist and leaning his head on his lover's shoulder. "The 22nd! And it was the best day of my life!"

Both men looked so happy when Janus smiled at them, maybe as happy as if they'd won the lottery, but they were repressing it deep inside. They were so oblivious to how Janus could understand everything they were thinking. Remus called him a mind reader and he guessed at this point he was correct.

"It was the 10th of October."

And the glare of shock Roman and Virgil gave each other seemed like it came straight out of a comedy skit if it wasn't so sad that these two men were so obviously imposters stuck in the bodies on Janus' neighbours. But Janus let a chuckle go and stood straight again. "Well, well, well – you really should update me on what's been happening this last month."