Changing Fate (Wangxian FanFic)

Addicted To You

I know that at the moment, it seems I need him more than he may need me. My heart still hurts from that day, seeing the man I love falling into a dark abyss. I am afraid to open up to Wei Ying about this, he may think I am being silly or dumb about feeling this way. I don't want him to think differently of me, didn't want him to think it is some obsession. He is like a drug, a very addictive drug. The more I am away from him and fear of losing him, the more I crave to be beside him.

I was still a total mess after my conversation with Xiongzhang. Sitting in Jingshi, I just let my tears continue to fall. I had the impression Wei Ying was not going to be back here anytime soon. I found myself sobbing, sobbing so hard I choked for air. I was sitting on my bed hugging my knees close to my chest and just cried.

"Lan Zhan?" I heard Wei Ying asked with concern and caution, "what happened? Why are you crying?"

I looked at him and saw he was worried. I didn't want him to be. I am not someone a person should worry about. I just shook my head and looked away from him.

"Lan Zhan, you have been there for me since I entered your life. This life and the past life. We may have had misunderstandings back then but I can still see you are always there. You always help me when I need you. Why can't I do the same for you? It is okay to cry and feel pain. But holding it in to yourself will not help you in any way. It will only make you feel worse," he told me as he sat in front of me on the bed.

"I want to talk," I mumbled, "but I don't want you to think differently of me."

"I never have before now and I never will later. Please talk to me. I want to know what is hurting you," he stated, almost begged for me to speak.

"I was talking with Xiongzhang earlier, and he said something that caused me to have a reaction. The reaction may seem over dramatic but it connects the past and the future. I did not realize how much hurt still sits with me from the past," I told him.

"What did he say? Tell me from the beginning," he suggested.

"I was teasing him for liking your shijie and he said I was getting more bold. He playfully said you might be a bad influence on me. I then snapped and begged for him not to take you way. The thought of you gone, it hurts me terribly. I don't want to sound possession or clingy but I need you in my life. I am in pain mentally and physically if you are not here. I am addicted to you..." I explained but was interrupted when he pulled me into a hug.

"I am here, I will not leave you, Lan Zhan," he said rubbing my back and placed my head to his shoulder, "after to told me everything and showed me all that happened, I am hurting just from seeing what had happened, and I do not remember living through that. You do, you remember everything, felt everything, the pain you went through will be with you for a long time. I want you to know that you can come to me, hold me, cuddle me, hug and kiss me when you need me. I have no objections. You are dealing with post trauma and I have a feeling that will never leave you. If it does, it will be a long time. I am here."

When he said that, I pulled him to my lap and and help him close in a tight embrace. I made sure that he was comfortable and wasn't being squeezed to death.

"Thank you, Wei Ying," I said with my face in the crook of his neck, "I love you more than anything. I can't bare to lose you again."

"I love you too, Lan Zhan. I will be with you this time, just as you promised to be there for me. We are in this together," he told me.

I pulled my face out from his neck and looked into his eyes. I place my hand to his face rubbing my thumb across his cheek. Wei Ying leaned into my touch and smiled at me. I leaned in and kissed his forehead and pulled back to look back into his eyes.