Push & Pull

Chapter 44

Vonne

Jacques' currently driving us home, it was a quiet ride and I was just blankly staring out the window. The traffic was heavy and I don't know if I am to like that or not.

I turned on the radio and almost regretted it as soon as the song started

We had to end it by Cuco started playing, what a fucking coincidence man. I never imagined that the lyrics would affect me differently now than when I first heard the song.

Me and my lover came to an end

I didn't want that

But I guess she did

Sleepless nights have only begun

Swear I thought she was the one

The girl of my dreams

I silently scoffed at the lyrics, as if they were written for me

All my nightmares came to ruin my life

Mercy had no time

And time had no mercy on me

I felt so dumb thinking one day you could be my wife

Never thought you would lie

When you said you loved me

Piss off Cuco! I don't need you to slap me with the truth, my mind flew back to the night where she first opened up to me. How she told me that she cared and that she wants to be with me. Now, I am not sure if she even mean any of the things she said.

If she just said those to manipulate me, if I was just a game to her.

You all know what's fucking painful? Is that I believed that she would eventually have enough courage to choose me and that I was more than willing to wait for fucking eternity for it.

I closed my eyes and let the song ends, how can love hurt like this? There was no physical pain but the mental and emotional damage that it caused is astronomical

All that she gave me was nothing but pain. Pain that got me addicted even if it's consuming me, I was happy to have that little connection with her that I thought I was the only one. But jokes on me and that's that.

I asked Jacques to leave after he dropped me off, no more things were said and I went inside the house

Walking inside the living room, my sister turned to me and the minute she saw me something clicked to her. Just like second nature, she rushed over to me and I was instantly wrapped in a tight hug.

Exhausted from holding back my tears, I finally let them go. I couldn't care less if I ruined her nice sundress with tears and snot. I heard my sister sniffle, she has such a good and soft heart

"Vonne, our baby girl. Let me help you"

My sister sniffle and moved me to look at her, but I can't because my vision is blurry from all the crying. And I really wanted to stop, I do, but my heart simply doesn't want to. It was in pain and all I could do was allow it to feel.

To say that my life became miserable after that is an understatement. My world spiraled down and every single thing about me changed in a matter days. I shut people out, I locked myself inside my room and refused to eat any food.

My mom and dad were forced to go home because my sister told them about what happened and they are beyond worried since I totally shut down.

Everything around me seems to have changed. The air became thick, the sky looks very gloomy all the time, flowers and trees became gray and dull. I lost connection with myself, I no longer love spaghetti and meatballs, I am no longer fond of nature. I no longer know who I am, and I am lost and deep in the great abyss of misery

Graduation came, and that was the last time they saw me 

AN: Very short update