LOVE DOULOGY 1: Entangled Heartstrings

CHAPTER 21

Chapter 21

Pinilit ko ang sariling maghubad at magtungo sa bathroom. While taking a shower, everything happens flashes back on my mind.

Kung paanong sobrang saya ko noong naging kami, mas sobra ang ibinalik na sakit sa akin. The scenario of Elly and Lance kissing passionately keeps on repeating inside my head. Bawat patak ng tubig sa katawan ko galing sa shower ay nakakasiguro akong may halo na itong mga luha ko.

Napadausdos ako sa banyo at napaupo habang patuloy parin sa pag-agos ang tubig mula sa shower. I don't have the strength, every part of me gets weakened time to time.

"I still love her,"

His last words telling me the truth echoes inside my mind. I frustratedly pulled my hair.

"Tang-ina!" I shouted and cried.

I heard a loud and repeating knocks on the door of my bathroom. Agad akong napatayo. Lance? You're here?!

"Anak! What's going on? Okay ka lang ba dyan?"

Muling nadismaya ang puso ko nang marinig ang boses ni Mama. Akala ko si Lance. Umaasa na naman ako.

Malaki ang puwang sa puso ko na umaasang hindi totoo ang lahat ng ito. Na nagkamali lang si Lance at nadala lang sya kay Elly. Because he proved and show to me his love! I'm sure he loves me! Does he really loves me?

Sinabi nyang mahal niya ako nang hiwalayan siya ni Elly. At ngayong nandyan ulit si Elly, balewala nalang ulit ako. Darn, do I deserve to be treated like an option?

Lumabas ako ng banyo nang nakasuot ng puting roba. I saw my mother sitting at the edge of my bed and obviously she's nervous because her hands are shaking.

I slowly walked closer to her. "O-okay lang ako, mama."

Umiling sya at nilapitan ako. She held my shoulders and looked deeply in my eyes. "I know you're not, your mouth may tells otherwise but your eyes and your heart is showing the truth."

Humikbi ako at yinakap siya ng mahigpit. She immediately massaged my back tenderly to make me calm.

"Ang daya daya niya ma, minahal ko lang naman sya. Bakit kailangan nya akong saktan ng ganito," I sobs.

She sighed heavily. "Ganyan talaga ang pag-ibig anak, walang sinumang umiibig at iibig ang hindi masasaktan."

Saglit akong sinamahan ni mama hanggang sa kumalma ako at makatulog.

Lance hugged me from the back and rested his chin on my shoulder. Nakangiti kong hinawakan ang mga braso nya at marahang hinaplos iyon.

"Mahal na mahal kita, tandaan mo yan ha?" he sweetly whispered.

"I love you too, Lancelot."

He chuckles, "kahit anong mangyari, kahit pa sabihin kong hindi na kita mahal, huwag kang maniwala ah?"

A line appeared between my brows. Nagtataka ko siyang hinarap at hinawakan ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya.

"Why are you saying something like that, ayos ka lang ba?"

He smiled and nodded, after that he showered my forehead a one passionate kiss. "Just saying, I just love you so much."

"I love you more,"

Agad akong napabalikwas ng bangon. When everything sinks in to me, tears pooled from my eyes. This time, I had wished that I didn't woke up. This is the most beautiful nightmare to me.

"Lance," lumuluhang banggit ko habang yinayakap ang unan sa tabi ko.

Kung sa panaginip nalang ako sasaya, ayaw ko ng magising. Kung sa panaginip ko lang ulit siya makakapiling, handa kong ipikit ang mga mata habambuhay.

Kinaumagahan ay wala parin akong ganang bumangon. Nakatulala lang ako sa labas ng bintana at wari lumpo na di makagalaw. I just couldn't accept what just happened last night. In a snap, I lost him. The man that I dreamed of having, left me hanging.

Isang katok sa pintuan ang nagpagising sa natutulog kong ulirat. Mama entered my room with a tray of food on her hand.

"Good morning anak, oh sya, kumain ka muna, pinaghanda kita ng breakfast."

I nodded, "ilagay nyo nalang muna diyan ma," saad ko at ibinalik ang tingin sa bintana.

I heard my mother heaved a sighed. My bed swayed when she sat beside me. She tenderly placed finely the other strands of my hair on my cheeks at the back of my ears.

"May hinihintay ka bang dumating?" Mahinahong tanong nya.

Napatingin lang ako sa kanya at hindi makasagot. She's right, the reason why my eyes was all outside is because I'm secretly hoping for his white porsche to arrive with him inside.

"Bakit hindi mo puntahan?"

I shook my head. "Could it change everything?"

She gave me a haft smile. "Alam mo anak," she paused. "Minsan sa pag-ibig kailangan mo ring sumugal o magsakripisyo. Kung walang gagawin ang isa sa inyo, walang mangyayari. Just at least sinubukan mong ilaban di'ba? Para sa huli, hindi ka magsisisi na wala kang ginawa para maayos."

"Wala akong lakas mama na gawin yan," I softly said, at the verge of crying.

"Pero pagmamahal sa kanya, meron di'ba? Iyan ang gamitin mong sandata para ipaglaban, hindi para tapusin."

Tears roll down on my cheeks as my heart painfully pounded. My heart still painfully beat for his name, his embrace and his love.

"P-paano kung tapos na talaga?"

My mother held my hand and she gently touched the ring on my finger, reason why my tears fall more.

"Sigurado ka?" Makahulugang tanong nya habang nakatingin sa singsing sa daliri ko. "Akala mo hindi ko mapapansin yan? Anak, nagtitiwala ako sa pagmamahal nyo sa isa't isa. It's deep, I knew it."

Sumapit ang hapon nang maisipan kong gumalaw at ayusin ang sarili. Tama, kung hindi si Lance ang pupunta rito, ako ang pupunta sa kanya.

Kung si mama nga ay nagtitiwala sa pag-ibig namin, ako pa kaya? I knew, I felt it, everything happened between us was all real. Naramdaman kong tunay lahat ng pinapakita niya. At iyon ang kailangan kong ipaglaban. As long as he will said that I still have a special place on his heart, I will stay.

Napatingin ako sa singsing sa daliri ko. Tumutulo ang luha ko iyong pinatakan ng isang halik. This is our promise ring, this is the reminder of our love.

We are already engaged. He promised to marry me, we promised to grow old with each other. Kaya hindi ko parin sya susukuan. Kasi kung maraming rason para sumuko, mayroon akong isang rason para lumaban, iyon ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya.

Ilalaban ko 'to.