Sweet Dreams - Ace Merrill

I can't do it Eyeball

Vivian allowed Eyeball to lead her to the blue point diner as the pair were soon sat in a booth, opposite each other, with John balanced on her lap.

"He's got your nose you know?" Eyeball finally broke the silence having just ordered food for them both.

Vivian looked down at John in her arms as he clung to one of her fingers and waved it about. A small smile came to her face as she gently hopped his nose and looked up at Eyeball.

"Alex always says that too." She mumbled. "And here I was hoping he'd have my eyes."

Eyeball felt himself force a laugh. "Let's hope he doesn't have your temper though."

Vivian tried forcing a laugh as she nodded slowly, her mind turning to Zach. "Can't say either of his parents have the best tempers..."

Eyeball took a small deep breath as he reached his arm across the table and took her free hand in his.

Vivian looked down at it before trying to give him a small smile.

"You know I really meant what I said.." he started slowly. "Whatever Ace did or said, he didn't mean."

Vivian shrugged slightly as she looked away.

"What happened?" Eyeball questioned, if he knew what Ace did or said, he could fix it.

"It wasn't even that bad, I kinda overreacted." Vivian mumbled as she returned her gaze to Eyeball.

"He just shouted a lot, said he was glad he wasn't John's dad, brought up Zach and what happened there then when I told him not to cross that line he just carried on shouting. Told me he could cross whatever line he wanted and I wouldn't do anything."

Eyeball sat and listened as he heard the familiar story of Ace having too much to drink and losing his temper.

"Guess he kinda waved his arms around as he was shouting and I kinda..." she stopped.

"You flinched?" Eyeball asked quietly, gripping her hand a little tighter.

Vivian nodded slowly. "Ace said he'd become his dad then started saying the baby needed a dad, not him."

Eyeball nodded slowly, "You can guess what his parents relationship was like."

Vivian nodded slowly. "Angry dad, scared mum and crying son." She mumbled.

Eyeball nodded slowly as he looked down at John before back up at her.

"You're so young Viv... I know people say you can't be ready to be a parent but surely you can be a little more ready than you are?"

Vivian looked down at John as she gasped slightly, like her body was being depleted of all oxygen. 

"I can't do it Eyeball..." she whispered as she kept her gaze on the infant.

"It's why I went to him, I wanted him to take John and give him a better life." She mumbled.

Eyeball felt her grip tighten on his hand as he returned it.

"You can't give him to that arsehole."

Vivian shrugged slowly. "What other choice do I have?" She almost snapped looking up at Eyeball, tears already in her eyes.

"I can't keep him, I know I can't." She whimpered.

Before he could respond their food arrived as they released their hold on the other and began eating slowly.

"Ever thought of adoption?" Eyeball asked quietly, looking up at her.

Vivian shrugged slightly. "How do I know who he will go to?"

Eyeball shrugged. "Pretty sure they do all the research and make sure the baby is going to someone good."

"So I'd never see him again?" Vivian almost whimpered out.

Eyeball shook his head. "No I'm pretty sure they do those ones where you can still see the kid?"

Vivian looked between him and John.

"You think that's what I should do?" She asked him slowly.

Eyeball shrugged. "It's your choice love, you can always do that thing where you place the kid with a family till you're ready." He paused. "All I'm saying is Ace ain't ready to be a dad."

Vivian scowled at him. "Why the fuck would that matter?!" She snapped slightly.

Eyeball leant back as he crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow he stared at her in silence.

Vivian continued to scowl. "You know I'm beginning to hate you too."

Eyeball relaxed as he laughed slightly. "No you're not."

Vivian gave up glaring as she continued eating, trying to feed John too. Eyeball saw her struggling as he quickly licked his fingers and reached his hands over the table.

"Pass him here, you eat."

Vivian looked at him curiously but slowly handed John over to him as she watched Eyeball expertly balanced him on his lap as he fed him.

"How'd you do that?"

Eyeball shrugged slightly. "When me and Chris were both younger, I had to look after him a lot. Guess you kinda pick up tricks of the trade." He mumbled as he bounced John on his knee.

"Now eat before I shove it down your throat." He snapped with a smile as he pointed at her food.

Vivian gave him a small smile as she watched him pull funny faces down at the baby.

Slowly she began to eat as she thought over what he'd said. There were families out there who would foster your child till you were ready to take them back.

Her eyes returned to John with Eyeball as she began to really think it over. Eyeball's comment about Ace not being ready to be a dad right at the front of her thinking queue.

Was she really ready to be a proper mum?