Dead Dove (Do Not Eat) [ZhongChi]

Three's a Crowd

"Put this on." Zhongli threw a piece of fabric on top of Childe as he lay on the bed. Childe shifted and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He stared at Zhongli, blushing, noticing his extremely formal attire. A long intricately designed suit jacket. He couldn't quite tell if the jacket was connected to the vest or was two separate pieces of clothing. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail. 

"W-what is this?" Childe held up the piece of fabric although there wasn't much to it. His face turned a bright shade of red. 

"Your uniform for the day."

"B-but...this is a bunny suit?" 

"You've got three options," Zhongli held up his fingers. "Go naked, wear that, or stay here for who knows how long while I'm gone today." 

"Isn't the third just like usual?" Childe pulled the covers off of him and held the bunny suit up to his body. If he put this on there wasn't going to be a whole lot left for the imagination. Were these fishnets? "Wait, what do I wear underneath it?!" Childe flushed. 

"Nothing," Zhongli smirked. 

"This is a sure way for me to get groped at whatever it is you're taking me to," Childe sighed and pulled off his nightgown. Which, wasn't really a nightgown but a really long shirt he'd stolen from Zhongli. 

"Let them try," Zhongli pressed his finger on the center of Childe's chest, right where he'd carved his name. "One second to grab your ass isn't worth the hours of torture that will follow," Zhongli's eye twitched as his lip curved slightly into a sadistic grin. Even though the malice wasn't aimed at him, Childe felt himself lose feelings in his legs. He fell back and sat on the bed, stunned. 

Zhongli smoothed out the front of his jacket and turned around. "I'll be waiting for you in the hall." 

Childe pulled on the fishnets and struggled to get the overly tight bunny suit onto his body. His nipples were nearly exposed but, then again, so was the writing on his chest. The bunny ears dangled off of a mask that he tied around his face. Over his ass, there was a small fluffy tail. 

"He wants me to wear these?" Childe held up the heels in front of his face. "I'm going to trip fall and die..." he sighed, trying to get them on his feet. "How come he guessed my side correctly?" Childe thought about it but the more he thought the harder it was to come to a conclusion. 

"Xiansheng is just magic, I guess?" 

He opened the door and looked left and then right. Zhongli was standing directly across from the door. He leaned up against the wall with his legs crossed in front of him. "Are you ready?" he asked. Childe nodded. "Stay close to me," Zhongli grabbed Childe, pushing him into himself by resting his hand on his hip. His finger slid under the bunny suit slightly, poking where it shouldn't. 

"Xiansheng," Childe wheezed, trying to walk in a straight line. Between Zhongli's hand and how difficult it was to walk in heels... he wasn't sure what was going to give out first. 

"You'll have to keep that under control, think you can manage it?" Zhongli smirked, moving his hand to grab Childe's ass. Childe squeaked. "You're a bunny, not a mouse," Zhongli shook his head and walked a few paces quicker, removing his hand from Childe. 

"Boss," Xiao appeared at his side, glancing at Childe. "Is it wise to bring him along?" 

"Are you questioning my judgment?" 

"Never." 

"Then don't ask me stupid questions," Zhongli snapped. "Just be grateful I didn't put you in the bunny suit." Xiao tensed but nodded. 

...

Within the large room was a round table. Few people sat down but behind each one was an individual dressed in a ridiculous animal outfit. A few of the more notable outfits were a peacock and a golden retriever. There was more than one person standing behind people but only one per person was an animal. Childe's head swam trying to think of the reasons why this would be. 

"It's been some time since our last get-together like this," Zhongli tapped his finger against the table. "Let's skip the pleasantries and get right to business." 

"You're always so quick to get down and dirty," a male dressed in green spoke. Going based on what Childe knew from Baizhu filling him in, that was Venti. Then the other one must be Ei. Three well-known city wonders and they weren't talking about anything specific. 

"We're here to discuss the Fatui issue so let's discuss the Fatui issue," Ei folded her hands in front of her and placed them on the table. "They're violating our city rules." 

"City rules?" Zhongli scoffed. "The only rules you two know how to keep are written in the Kama Sutra." The peacock standing behind Venti snickered. 

Childe tried to pay attention to the conversation but his eyes kept wandering around the room. It wasn't very interesting to listen to. They were arguing over meaningless things which may or may not have been code for something else. Childe would need to attend a lot of these meetings to gain anything valuable. He wasn't sure he wanted to do that. 

"The archons animals along with the subordinates and their animals may sit now," someone spoke but Childe blanked on who the voice was. He glanced around and noticed people sitting down on Venti and Ei's laps. Well, someone was sitting in Ei's but Venti had decided to sit on the animal's lap instead. 

"What did you do to the poor bunny?" Venti rested his elbows on the table and smirked. "He looks too scared to sit down." 

Childe, determined to prove this little brat boy wrong, sat down on Zhongli's lap. But he sat too far on one leg and couldn't balance himself properly. 

"You'll fall," Zhongli spoke quietly, grabbing Childe's waist to adjust his position. Childe zoned out, unable to focus on anything but Zhongli's hand on his waist for the remainder of the meeting. He tried to control himself and think of the most disgusting things to keep himself from getting hard. Guess how well that worked.