"murder", he says | xiaoven x reader

chapter nineteen

mini warning for a description of disassociation!

lately, xiao had gotten into a sleeping routine where his might terrors had calmed- they occurred still, but have calmed down the past few years. he had a theory it was because you decided one day to push their beds together when rearranging the room in his absence (a thing you did a lot, now that he thought about it). he quickly accepted the familiarity of the body heat from when he had slept near the other yakshas on the cold nights during the war. perhaps your scent reminded him of the dying fire he lay by, too.

another theory was the protection your presence oozed- it took a few decades, but xiao trusted you. deeply. he may have not fought side by side with you in the archon war, but you're job was to watch over him. perhaps that that didn't only include in violent circumstances supported the comfort you supplied him.

but, even if things are going generally well, bad things still happen. so when in his dreams, he felt that familiar tight feeling in his body and his breath catching throat. as his vision fades in and out of sleep- unable to tell if the panic he's feeling is when awake or asleep.

he thinks he's screaming- but the way that he's choking on his breath and how silent his struggle feels, he's in doubt.

he knows he's screaming when the fading ceiling becomes the fading, worried expression of venti as he feels hands on his shoulders.

he's awake now- panting, in a cold sweat. he's unsure if he's shaking given he doesn't really feel like he's inside his body- but he can tell venti has sat him up and lit a candle to the side. he wonders where you are till he relises the light peeking through the curtains.

he turns his head to venti when his voice finally becomes clear in his daze.

"xiao? can you hear me?" he asks, he's taken his hands from his shoulders and now holds one on his hands. whilst usually reluctant to physical touch, he's thankful for ventis cold hand for grounding his soul to his body right now.

"yeah, im here" xiao says before realising how strange that may have sounded. of course he's there! even if his mind was still in panic.

"that looked like a pretty bad nightmare, are you okay?" venti says. xiao nods. venti seems to realise that xiao isn't fully here right now and takes a moment to pour xiao a glass of the coldest water he could. he comes back quickly and hands him it. xiao had swiveled his body to sit on the side of the bed when he takes the glass. venti site next to him as he sips at the water.

when xiao realises how cold the water is, he drinks the rest quickly, grateful for how he can feel the water going through his body. venti sits back down from opening the window and curtains. xiao felt a lot better with the change in setting.

"thanks." he says, rubbing his face. venti smiles.

"feeling a bit better?" they ask, offering xiao a hair tie when he notices him pushing his hair back from his face a lot. he accepts it and ties his hair back out of his face. it's then when venti realises just how drained he looks.

"I'm fine" xiao says, seemingly trying to fool himself rather than venti.

"want me to run you a bath?" venti asks. "they helped y/n when they woke up bad." xiao huffs out his nose, amused, when he realises that you do the sane to him. venti smiles as if he understands.

"hot or cold?" he asks.

"cold" xiao says. he really needs to wake up. venti nods and walks off to the bathroom, xiao shortly hearing the water running after. he gets himself up to get more water.

he zones out staring at his empty glass once he's done, before venti calls that the bath is done. xiao thanks him, heading into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. he looks at the empty bath and empty room for a moment.

xiao recalls a conversation he had with you. when he stupidky got hurt during his work. the time aether hauled his weak form back home. on the balcony where you scolded him for never letting you help- he recalls failing again because he tried to push himself.

does this relate to this situation now? if ge pushed his currently weak psyche, could it harm him more?

I guess what he's trying to say, is that be doesn't want to be alone and if he should ask to venti to keep him company as he bathed. xiao peeks out the bathroom door to see venti half heartedly tossing the bedsheets and pillows back into place and tossing bottles into the bin. xiao looks back to the bath before he opens the door fully.

"venti" he says, venti quickly turns his attention to him.

"everything okay?" venti asks

"if you're not opposed, would you sit with me whilst I bathe?" xiao feels very silly asking, but he doesn't want to cause worse problems by having a 'bothersome tantrum' again, by his own words.

venti doesn't even seem to ponder the idea, doesn't show any indication of disgust and xiao is grateful or he might have just died.

"of course I will, anything you need." he says and xiao opens the door more. venti puts the bottles he was holding in the bin before walking over and into the bathroom.

"here, so you're more comfortable." venti pulls the shower curtain over the bottom end of the bath and sits down in a place where from his angle he would only see xiaos upper half.

xiao feels his heart soften at the gesture- feeling it turn to liquid when venti turns away, eyes closed as xiao indicates he's to undress. xiao is a sucker for simple respect, what can he say? venti turns to smile at xiao after he's heard he's settled into the bath. xiao sighs deeply when his shoulders dip into the water.

"thank you" xiao says again and venti waves him off.

"don't worry about it." they say, venti debates praising him for opening up, but decides that that would do more bad than good. he thinks he's getting the hand of understanding xiaos boundaries, given he thinks that "what's that?" would be xiaos answer to asking for them.

a comfortable silnce fills the room, only accompanied by the scribbling of ventis pencil on paper. xiaos curiosity gets the best of him and decides to ask what they're up to.

"are you writing a ballad?" xiao enquires, leaning his arms over the bath.

"I am! I felt pretty inspired after I woke up today." venti perks up when he's asked, happily going on about their inspiration. xiao can't help but give a small, quick smile at his mood. it was refreshing to see someone so passionate.

"but that doesnt flow too well, but i want to include both those lines. so maybe ill have to rearrange a few things. ive got the tune for it though!" venti cheers

"can you play it for me?" xiao is shocked when he hears himsekf speak, he didnt say that! (he definately did!). he doesnt have a chance to manipulate his words somehow because venti has already summoned his lyre.

"i was hoping youd ask" venti clears his throat and straightens his back. xiao feels his body chill even at the first strum of a note.

as the music goes on, xiao feels as if his body is melting into complete peace- eyes closing unintentionally as venti hums in harmony with the tune.

when it ends, xiaos eyes slowly open and he sees venti smiling softly at him. he feels a twist in his chest at the way hes looking at him and he realises something very, very bad. xiao is probably most definately maybe in love with venti. he had originally thought that maybe he found comfort in his music, but now he thinks he might just find it in him overall.

the nights where venti had visited wangshuu inn looking for company- where he and xiao had taken strolls through the mountains at night when you slept- had really taken a toll on his heart.

venti, on the other hand, realises hes fucked. utterly fucked. he said to himself that they wouldnt get attatched to someone like xiao who needs time to build a relationship. not that thats a bad thing. he just realises that, now, its going to be one sided for years at least, if at all. how stupid of him! the feeling of unrequited love comes in at least the top 10 things on ventis list of "icky things i dont like!" and now hes going to have to deal with it till he manages to delude himself into thinking that, infact, he is not looking at xiao with eyes that say "i want to be unconditionally loved by you". hes lucky xiao is awful at reading expressions.

but youre not! and venti truly realises how fucked his is when he sees you in the bathroom doorway giving him very knowing smirk.