Just a Little Bit of Your Heart

Chapter 3 - Ferris Wheel

Have you ever put in a situation where you have a lot of unanswered questions?

It's been 2 months after we ended whatever relationship that we had and Isla accepted Archon back in her life and just a month after their reconciliation, Archon proposed a marriage to her. He proposed on their vacation in Balesin.

Hindi talaga nagsayang ng oras si Archon.

I know it's been months pero I am still left with a lot of questions and insecurities.

I can't believe na parang wala lang talaga ako sa kanya. Ang sakit isipin na he can offer everything to Isla in a snap of a finger pero pagdating sakin, ni kapiranggot wala siyang maibigay.

I also wonder if Archon told her about us.

Pero malabo siguro at hindi naman makakabuti sa kanila at sa pamilya namin. Kahit naman wala sila ni Isla that time, hindi naman maikakaila na they still love each other kahit nagkahiwalay sila.

I was just a girl in between their break up.

Alam kong masasaktan si Isla kapag nalaman niya at ayaw kong mangyari yun.

I admit I took it hard noong nalaman kong sila na ulit at ikakasal na. Pero sabi nga ni Fergie, big girls don't cry.

And I guess, I am still a little girl.

Binalita sakin ni Kaori last week.

"Ate Debbie!!! Kuya Archon and Ate Isla got back together and planning to get married na.  Next week engagement party nila. No choice na tayo kundi kay Kuya Archer nalang. Buti nalang kamukha ni Kuya Archer ang crush mo." Kaori giggled.

I tried to be enthusiastic while talking to Kaori.

I will be fucking plastic kung sasabihin kong masaya ako sa kanila because I am not.  Somewhere deep in my heart I wish na hindi na sila magkabalikan, na if there's a multiverse, sana ako ang gusto ni Archon at ako ang papakasalan.

Since hindi ako makaiyak sa bahay dahil dumating si Mama at Papa galing sa trip nila sa Europe.

I went to Enchanted Kingdom alone upon hearing the news.

Kahit na takot ako sa rides at heights, sumige padin ako.

Sobrang lakas ng kaba ko noong sumakay na ako sa ferris wheel, nanlalamig ang mga kamay ko at pinagpapawisan pa. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pag-akyat, humigpit ang hawak ko sa bakal na bintana.

"Shit! I am stupid! Bakit ba ako sumakay dito! Pwede namang mag bump car nalang ako o kaya sa carousel nalang." Sabi ko habang nakapikit at mahigpit padin ang kapit ko sa bakal. Umuuyog kase konti.

I guess being broken hearted will make you do stupid things.

Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas ay naramdaman ko ang masarap na hangin kaya unti-unti kong binuksan ang mga mata ko.

It was freaking high!

Nagpapanic na ako but I slowly breath in and out.

Kung aatakehin man ako ng panic attack ko hindi maganda dahil wala akong kasama.

Naramdaman ko ang pagkalma ko at paunti-unti naenjoy ko ang ride. Ang ganda kase ng overlooking view kapag nasa taas ka.

But the city lights brought me in tears.

I remember the moment when I am staring same view, sa terrace ni Archon na tanging kumot lang ang nakabalot sakin while he was hugging me from the back.

Deep inside my heart.

I knew that moment was only borrowed, it was just temporary but it didn't stop me from wishing that night na I hope that moment will stop so I could stay in his arms. Forever.