Just a Little Bit of Your Heart

Chapter 11 - Gender Reveal

I become friends with Sanya and I admire her for raising her daughters alone, they are so sweet and adorable. I just can't wait to hold my own baby.

Also, I had my last session with my psychologist last week, she praised me for coping very fast. But if it happened thay something or someone trigger my emotions too the point I cannot handle it, she advised me to come back to her. Baking and writing on the journals help me a lot.

On my eight month, Fleur and Jacques are planning for baby shower. Si Mama Mondi lang ang nakakaalam ng gender at gusto nila akong i-surprise at hindi na ako tumutol, I love surprises. Pero malakas ang pakiramdam ko na babae si Little Peanut pero kahit anong gender pa niya, mamahalin ko siya nang sobra.

I haven't thought of a name but I wanted to start it with letter 'D'.

Hinaplos ko ang malaki kong tiyan, grabe sobrang laki na niya bawing-bawi dahil noong first 4 months na walang nakakaalam ng pagbubuntis ko para lang akong nagkabilbil pero ngayon mapagkakamalan akong buntis ng kambal. Sumagi din naman sa isip ko na baka kambal dahil may lahing kambal ang tatay ng anak ko pero sa ilang beses na ultrasound, wala namang nakita ang Doktor.

I was sitting on my bed while everyone is busy sa sala, sa pagdedecorate at pagprepare ng little surprise. Buti nalang malaki 'tong apartment namin para ganitong ganap. Sa totoo lang gusto ko lang naman ng simpleng dinner sa gender reveal with my closest friends.

Napabuntonghinga ako nang maalala ko si Kai at Kayle, pati nadin si Achi at Kao, nadamay at nasaktan ko pa sila dahil sa nangyari samin ng kapatid nila. But mostly nahihiya ako sa kanila, I become a worst friend, bukod sa naglihim ako sa kanila ay nakagulo pa ako sa pamilya nila. I missed them so much and I know time will heal all the wounds at magiging okay din ang lahat, sa family ni Mama Keena at Tita Belle.

Before I left the Philippines, I send them an apology letter, wala din kase akong mukhang maihaharap kay Tita Belle dahil sinaktan ko ang anak niya. As for Isla, hindi na kami nakapag-usap at nagkita ulit. Am I angry? Did I hate her? Siguro kung nawala sakin ang anak ko, I will forever hate her pero ngayon na okay naman ang lahat, I choose to forgive kahit hindi naman siya nagsorry. I wanted to move on without hate, kahit baliktarin ang mundo, she is my friend since we're kids.

I am fixing my yellow dress when I felt Little Peanut kick. Oo, sobrang likot na niya sa tiyan ko but everytime I felt my baby moved, I alway feel so surreal. I can't believe I will be giving birth to a little human.

When I come to the age to know about having family and kids, I always dream to have my own someday, it's not the ideal family I wanted but I won't exchange this for anything. Sapat na sakin ang anak ko, siya ang magiging pamilya ko.

"Excited kana, Little Peanut? Mommy will know your gender today." I said while rubbing my tummy and there again, the baby kick on hands.

"Mahal na mahal ka ng Nanay, Little Peanut." At naglilikot padin siya sa tiyan ko tila sumasagot sakin.

"You love Nanay too?" My baby kicked again.

Sobrang napuno ng masayang emosyun ang puso ko. Binigyan ako ng Diyos ng isang taong ako ang pipiliin, isang taong magmamahal sakin. I don't know what I did to deserve this but out of million women in this world, God chose me to be Little Peanut's Mom.

May kumatok sa pinto at pumasok si Mama Mondi.

"Are you ready, baby girl? Gosh. Time flies talaga, yung baby girl ko magkakababy na." Niyakap ako ni Mama. "Bakit kase ang aga mong sinuko ang Bataan?"

I smiled.

"Nilusob ng kalaban nang walang sabi, Mama eh."

Kinutongan ako ni Mama pero niyakap ko padin si Mama Mondi.