Spencer Charnas One Shots

XXXIX. Not Sorry

* WARNINGS: SUICIDE, TALK ABOUT MURDER, BLOOD, INVOLUNTARY SELF HARM, HEAVY DIALOGUE

I was trying my best not to get mad at Spencer as he told me the idea for the Funeral Derangements music video. He was happy and going on and on about how they were gonna do it and what every little idea was. I couldn't look at his excited eyes as I got angrier by the minute. "Why don't you just go get with Nadia since you make out with her in every music video you do?" I almost shouted.

He paused, "What?"

"You heard me," I looked at him. His expression was no longer happy and excited, it was confused. He stared at me with those confused eyes and I could tell he was running my question through his brain over and over again. After he didn't respond, I got up and grabbed a backpack, shoving clothes in it and running downstairs.

"You don't wanna be on camera, remember? I asked you to." He followed me down into the kitchen, a hint of anger in his voice now. I stopped and turned to him. "You said you never wanted to be on camera, even with me."

"That doesn't mean you can make out with her!" I somewhat shouted. He was now filled with rage and he scoffed.

"I kill her in every video too!" he shouted, smacking his hands down at his side and looking at me like I was crazy. "She's an actor! I am too!" I turned and may my way around the kitchen, grabbing essentials like food and water. "We don't even kiss in Funeral Derangements!"

"Then why can't you kill me, right here and now, since you do it all day every day for a screen?!" I yelled at him, slamming a glass  on the counter to get a reaction from him.

"God you're so selfish!"

"How? How Spencer?"

"You want me to kill you," he laughed. "Do you think I'm an actual murderer? Like you said, it's for a fucking screen!" His voice was as loud as it could go now. I remember hearing it for the screaming parts when he was recording. It sounded nothing like he did now. It wasn't his angelic voice, it was like the Devil screaming into my ears.

I felt tears well in the back of my eyes but I blinked them away, balling my hands into fists. "I'd rather be dead than be here with you!"

"Wow!" he shouted with a chuckle, looking down and then back up at me. "Why don't you do it yourself? Why do you want me to kill you, so I'll be guilty for the rest of my life?" My heart almost stopped when he said that. It just made matters worse.

"Wow." I mocked him. "You just told me to kill myself!"

"I did NOT!" he took a few steps towards me, slamming his fist on the counter. "Don't twist my words," he spoke through gritted teeth. I was a little scared of him, but I was holding my ground.

"Maybe I should," I looked him in the eyes, remarking back to his earlier comment on killing myself.

"Do it! Do I look like I care!" he yelled. I backed away a bit but it didn't change the angry smile on his face. I could tell he was trying to hold back tears as well. He was better than me.

"You don't care? Don't care about me?"

"After this shit, no! You've done this one too many times for me to care." He shook his head. "I can't focus on your drama anymore. I have an album and tour to work on. I can't worry about you on top of all that."

I teared up, reaching behind me and pulling the largest knife from the block holding them, "Fine! I guess I will!" He took a few steps back and held his hands up in a surrender position. I put the knife to my chest.

"You're trying to make me feel guilty. Don't even, Y/n."

"It's all your fault!" I sobbed out loudly as tears rolled down my cheeks.