The Surrogate

The Past Begins To Haunt

Sunday February 6th, ROC 2022, Piteå, Sweden.

"Girl, I can hear your teeth chattering!" Ester can be heard laughing down the phone while Holly loiters around outside in the freezing conditions, waiting for Seb to return with Britta after speaking to the press.

"He said to wait for him but I've no idea where," she complains, stamping from foot to foot in an effort to keep warm. "It's so busy inside, if I go in I don't think he'll find me."

"And how are things with you and the weltmeister? Still loved up from Mauritius?" Ester is the only other person to know about herself and Seb and the only person to know that she's actually in love with him. She's also Holly's eyes and ears in case rumours get back to the office about her relationship with the German star. So far, by some kind of miracle, they don't actually know about their romance and thankfully have paid no attention to the rumours that had been circulating last year. Even their trip to sun soaked Mauritius has gone unnoticed. Ahhh....Mauritius; the sun, the warmth, the sea and the sand, she's missing it so much! She's not missing the sex, both herself and Seb have continued to be as insatiable as ever so it's safe to say that the holiday feeling has very much carried on in that way.

"It's good," she smiles, a warm feeling is washing over her as she thinks about how good things are right now. Seb is nothing short of amazing and she can't recall ever being this happy. "How about you?"

"Well, I have a flight booked for Thursday to Belfast to meet that couple I told you about when we last spoke. You know, the ones who want the second baby," Ester babbles excitedly, overjoyed to be asked to be a surrogate for a married couple she's already helped a few years ago, "it's just a formality really, we already know each other and we know it'll all go ahead so it's just a case of the details."

"Well I'm pleased for you," she smiles while checking the face of every driver that starts to filter past her. The final race of this year's event ended a while ago and Seb finished in a worthy second place against the nine times world rally champ, Sébastien Loeb. Not bad for a man who's got next to nothing in the way of rally driving experience, especially in the snow and ice.

"Think you could see a future with Seb?" Ester asks, taking the conversation back to the German.

"I want to but....." she trails off, her hand absentmindedly landing on her tummy where it's slight roundness is well concealed under a jumper and coat.

"You've never told me what's really holding you back."

Ester's words catch her off guard and she nearly chokes on the icy air as she inhales sharply.

"It's not just down to you not being ready to be a mum. Seb could be the love of your life, he could be the one, surely you won't let him slip away from you just because you don't want children of your own."

Holly's mouth is open but she can't speak. A nerve has clearly been hit, she's always hidden it so well - or at least she thought she had.

"Hols, you still there? You ok?"

She feels sick as unwelcome memories come back to haunt her. It echoes in her mind; a small child cries, her little face wet with tears, red and scared as she looks over a stranger's shoulders, her arms extended out towards her mother as she's carried away.

"Uhmmm....I...." she stutters and her phone slips from her grasp as the little eighteen month old in her mind disappears out of sight.

A pair of strong hands lightly grasp the tops of her arms and she finds herself staring at a man's chest, "hey, you ok?"

She gives herself a quick shake of her head, forcing herself to firmly slam the door on shameful memories that need to remain buried forever while Antti bends to pick up her phone from the snow.