The Surrogate

It's not you, it's me

Saturday December 3rd.

It's seven-thirty AM and the clear sky is showing the first signs of daylight, chasing away the darkness of the night.

It's also the last few days of Holly's stay, on Tuesday morning she has a seat booked on a British Airways flight from Zürich back to Heathrow, London.

These past two weeks have flown by and Seb really isn't ready for her to leave. To have this time, as a family of three, has been wonderful and it's felt like Holly and Emilia have always been here, he almost can't remember what his life was like without them both in it.

They've enjoyed some sunny days together, taking long walks, visiting neighbouring farms, short hikes in the hills, heading into town to do a food shop and visiting a Christmas market in Zürich. But equally as much, they've enjoyed the rainy days; staying indoors all cosy and warm, watching tv or a movie while Emilia naps, playing with her or just watching her as she lays on a play-mat under her activity arch or just cuddling her and enjoying some quiet time while listening to the sound of the rain gently tapping against the windows or watching the candles flicker on top of the fireplace if it's been dark.

To be sat close to Holly, an arm around her as she cuddles her daughter while they both sleep, has been one of those moments he'll treasure forever.

He's so not ready for this to end.

And it doesn't have to if he doesn't want it to, he has the power to make that happen.

He breathes deeply, watching the puff of steam evaporate into the cold air. Standing there in an old white t-shirt that's seen better days and a pair of black sweatpants that have gone ridiculously baggy at the knees, he doesn't feel the cold, he's been too distracted by thinking about the past two weeks.

But during these past two weeks there's also been something hanging over him - the not so small matter of him having sex with Hayley, something which Holly is still blissfully unaware of. Part of him wants to come clean and confess what he's done; especially after telling Holly how they've got to trust each other and communicate openly and honestly. But the other part of him is warning him to exercise caution, to think of the possible consequences once she knows. What if she sees him sleeping with his ex as a betrayal? Whats the possibility of her thinking he's cheated on her and leaving again? Where would that leave Emilia? Would Holly try to take their daughter with her? No, he thinks to himself, that wouldn't happen, I have the surrogacy contract we signed.

"Seb!" He hears Holly call to him from somewhere on the ground floor and his head quickly turns to the direction her voice came from. She sounds worried and calls for him again, "Seb!"

He dashes back inside and meets her in the kitchen to find her clutching the baby against her, a worried frown adorning her pretty face. He instantly knows that she's worried about Emilia, that something is wrong.

"She's running a fever," she turns Emilia in her arms enough so that he can see her flushed little cheeks. "She feels hot," she adds.

He gently presses his palm to his daughter's small forehead. Holly's right, Emilia does feel quite hot; she also doesn't seem to have a lot of energy and is just still in her mum's arms, her own little arms hanging down by her sides. He isn't quite sure what to do at first, Emilia hasn't been ill before and he's never really thought too much about what he'd do in this kind of situation.

Holly can sense his indecision and due to their child's lethargic appearance she decides that something more than infant paracetamol is needed, "I think we should take her into town, to the clinic, just to be safe."