The Surrogate

....and goodbye

Wednesday August 3rd.

Holly thanks Seb as he places her breakfast down in front of her and he responds by sweetly kissing her head. She's not really hungry but is trying to eat something at his insistence and toast with honey is all she fancies.

The atmosphere feels weird. It's not really awkward and it's not tense or unpleasant but just weird. But with a baby at her breast and Imogen and her adoptive parents sitting across the kitchen island from her she doesn't think it could feel anything other than weird.

With a glass of orange juice in his hand, Seb takes a seat on the stool next to her and glances at the three people now opposite him. This feels strange to him too, he's sharing his kitchen with Holly's teenage daughter and two other people, her adoptive parents, who are practically strangers. Being a well known driver in Formula One means he's never comfortable having strangers in his home (it almost never occurs), for all he knows one of them could be taking photos and leaking them onto social media.

Imogen has barely said a word since she got up and he wants to ask her if she's ok or if there's something on her mind but with Alison and Trevor sitting near her he doesn't want to tread on anyone's toes by getting involved where he might not be wanted. He wonders if Holly has noticed this too but she looks just as preoccupied with her thoughts as Imogen does.

Glancing at Alison and Trevor again, they look lost in thought too and it makes the atmosphere feel really odd to him.

A loud rumble of thunder breaks the quietness. Outside it's lashing down with rain as thunderstorms hit the area and the sky is such a deep grey that it's almost dark enough to have to switch a light on. Any thoughts of popping out to get a newspaper and visiting the nearby farm shop have been quashed for now.

Then it dawns on him that Emilia is one week old tomorrow. Technically after tomorrow his time with Holly will be over and he'll be paying her fee by bank transfer. But he's still not sure of what will happen after then, if she'll decide to stay or if she'll go back to London even though they're both in love with each other and have settled into a relationship. Suddenly he's got as much on his mind as everyone else appears to have.

He looks at her. If she decides to go back to London it'll break his heart, even if she decides to stay in a relationship with him. It'll be the facts that she's decided not to be a mother to Emilia and is leaving to move back to her own home that'll hurt the most. But then he notices the way her free hand is now in Emilia's tiny grasp, the way her finger has this tiny hand wrapped around it and it makes him realise that there's as much of a chance of her staying as there is of her leaving. He knows her feelings have changed over the past couple of days, her maternal instinct is there and she's forming a bond with Emilia - that'll make walking away almost impossible, won't it?

All of a sudden his train of thought is interrupted as the quietness in the room is broken by Alison, "I guess we should let you both know of our plans... we're taking Imogen home later, we've got an early evening flight booked and we've got to be checked in by four-thirty so we'll be leaving just after lunch."

Holly stares at her uneaten toast, she'd expected this but is still surprised at how much it hurts. Immy is going back home... to Hull. A lump forms in her throat and she wants to get up and go to another room for privacy but she can't move without disturbing Emilia.

Imogen is leaving. Fuck. Will they ever see each other again? It's up to Holly as much as it is Imogen. Is she ready to step up and be a mum? Is she worthy enough and actually capable?

Or is she going to let someone take her daughter away from her again?

"Holly?"

With a blink of her eyes she's transported back to that time again. That little girl is there again; her little cheeks flushed, tears streaming as she cries and looks back at her mother while being carried away by a stranger. Her little arms are outstretched, hands clenching and unclenching while, "mum-mum-mum," is audible amongst her frightened wailing.