The Surrogate

A step forward

Saturday August 13th.

Holly feels like her heart is in her mouth. She feels sick with anxiety yet at the same time she's grateful to have this opportunity to spend time with Imogen, who arrived yesterday morning on an early flight from Leeds Bradford Airport - accompanied by Britta after she'd offered to help and act as chaperone.

Now they're on their way to Zürich for a day out in the city after the teenager decided that's what she'd like to do.

Holly hasn't said anything but Seb can tell that she's nervous and he isn't sure if she's up to a day in Zürich on her own with Immy which is why he's offered to come along and drive them there. It's support for her plus he knows the city quite well. It's also going to be Emilia's first day since she was born just over two weeks ago. He's only got another full week of summer break left and he wants to make the most of his time with his new little family before the madness of the Formula One season kicks off again and monopolises chunks of his time. Hopefully he won't have to wait too long before Holly and Emilia can attend races with him.

Behind him, in the car, Emilia is safely strapped in and sleeping in her rear facing car seat along with Immy, who's volunteered to keep an eye on the baby, meaning that Holly can sit next to him in the front. He glances to his right every so often as he drives; she's got her hand on her tummy and she's been quiet ever since they got in the car. Over the past week she's tried her best to mask how she's been feeling; she's spent more time with Emilia, laughed at his dodgy dancing in the kitchen one morning and she's seemed brighter and more affectionate towards himself but he's seen past it all, he knows she's still not right in herself and it's still nagging away at him that he should call for a doctor to come and speak with her.

But for now he's trying to push that to one side and enjoy his first day out with his new family. He places his hand on Holly's thigh and their eyes briefly meet; that spark is still there and it makes his stomach flip and a stab of longing make its presence felt right deep down inside him. He knows she's far from ready for anything physical to happen between them and while he doesn't want to wish away precious time, he's starting to want her more and more with each passing day.

She's never imagined loving someone in the way she does Seb. Finding love while being a surrogate is the last thing she expected and it feels like this man was sent to her as a gift from god. Every time he looks her way or says her name she feels delightful little shivers and butterflies. He's got no idea that he's only just keeping her sane right now, she's struggling mentally more than she'd ever admit to and she's trying her hardest for him and for her two daughters.

"This looks amazing!" Imogen enthuses as she looks up one of the places they're going to visit in a while, the Lindt Home Of Chocolate. "There's tasting stations as you go round and a massive chocolate fountain."

Seb smiles as he immediately begins to feel hungry, chocolate is one of his favourite foods and his only vice, he finds it hard to resist when there's chocolate to be ate.

"Don't you go getting ideas, you can't eat too much otherwise you'll have Antti on your case," Holly catches his grin and knows what he's thinking.

"He won't know unless you tell him," he replies cheekily back, "and I am on holiday for another week so I think I'm allowed. If Emilia could talk she'd agree with me."

She chuckles, it's not the first time he's spoken about the baby talking and taking his side on things, it's another sign of how Emilia has well and truly captured his heart. She's definitely going to be daddy's girl - not that she has any choice in the matter as far as he's concerned.

"You're doing really well, you'll ace today, you'll see," he lowers his voice so Imogen can't hear. He wants to give her as much encouragement and support as he can to help build her confidence even though he knows it'll be a case of baby steps day by day.