The Surrogate

Window to the womb

Monday June 6th. Heppenheim, Germany.

Heike places a plate down on the table in front of her son and then places an affectionate kiss on top of his head. She had offered to do him something more substantial than toast for his breakfast but he's too excited to eat much, today feels like a big day.

Across from him sits Holly who's scrolling through something on her phone, a glass of orange juice in front of her. Seb has barely been able to keep his eyes off of his beautiful girlfriend and it makes Heike think that he's love-sick as well as too excited to eat. She's never seen him like this before and it's a wonderful, joyful sight to behold.

But then she's quite excited too, it's not everyday you get to see your grandchild in the womb via a 4D scan and that's exactly what they're going to do today after Seb booked an appointment at a private clinic.

He's hoping that today will see a step forward for Holly, that she'll see the face of their baby girl and finally start to allow herself to love, to allow herself to move on and forgive herself for her previous mistakes.

Holly is secretly nervous, already feeling the weight of expectation on her shoulders not only from Seb but from herself too. She wants to feel something when she looks at her baby, she wants this scan to be different from her other ones and she's scared that if nothing changes today then it will never change. Far from feeling excited, today feels more like a test.

But she won't let on to Seb how she's feeling, there's no way in the world she's going to spoil today for him or his mother.

She's not the only one keeping things to themselves, Seb still hasn't told Holly how he's put off his final decision to retire and a decent weekend in Monaco has strengthened his desire to carry on. It's not a burning desire to carry on though, he still needs a bit more convincing that staying on would be the right decision. He needs to know this car is getting better and that next year's will be better still, he wants points finishes and podiums, something more to show for his efforts and he's promised Mike and Lawrence that he'll come to his decision by the summer break.

Holly winces and rubs her tummy as she receives a particularly sharp poke or kick from Emilia. She's nearly 34 weeks pregnant now, there's under seven weeks left to go until her due date and Emilia is running out of room meaning that movements and kicks are a lot sharper than they used to be. Not only that but she's suffering with back pains and is struggling to sleep at night with frequent trips to the loo to pee and being unable to get comfy in bed. The last couple of months of pregnancy are never her favourites.

"You ok?" As always Seb is quick to notice when she's feeling uncomfortable, with the weeks dwindling down he's starting to feel a touch anxious that Emilia might decide to arrive early.

"Your daughter doesn't like her cramped quarters," Holly declares with a smile, "she's running out of space and sometimes likes to make her feelings known."

"Well I want her stay in there for a bit longer, it's too early for her come at the moment," he rises from his chair and moves to sit on a chair that's next to her, turning it so that he faces her and can place a hand on her large belly.

"Babies come when they want, not when we want," Heike points out as she leans against the kitchen counter, "but yes, it is a little too early and you need to get the nursery finished."

"It's almost done," he says without taking his eyes or hand off Holly's bump, "the furniture is in, we have everything we need and she will be in with us for a while after she's born anyway."

Holly says nothing but it's a daunting prospect. It's likely that the baby will arrive before the summer break and if she arrives on her due date then Seb will have two Grand Prix weekends where he'll be away and she'll be left on her own. Right now she doesn't know how she'll cope and so she's been trying not to think about it too much to avoid stress.