The Surrogate

Halfway there

Her hand flies up in front of her mouth in shock. What did he just say? For a moment she can't look at him and her eyes cast downwards to the dark, marble surface, staring at it as if it holds all the answers.

Was what Jake said that night in Abu Dhabi right? Has Seb lied about being back with his ex?

Inside she's reeling. The air feels like it's been punched from her lungs, she's been left breathless and stung.

There's no tears, she doesn't feel like she's going to break down in to heartbroken sobs, she's just shocked right now.

Seb watches her, desperately searching for any clue that'll tell him what she's thinking or how she's feeling but she's just staring at the countertop, unblinking, her hand slowly lowering from her mouth.

He begins to explain it, keen for her to know everything.  Getting it out in the open now is his only hope that she'll still want to stay, "that's partly why she didn't join us on the plane home from Abu Dhabi. Because this thing had happened between us and then you arrived..."

"You and her slept together there? And then I arrived?" she cuts him off, trying to paint a picture in her mind. "When Jake said you were back together..."

"No," he quickly stops her, "not there and we never got back together, we're just friends, we stayed friends since we split."

As she thinks, she slowly looks back up at him, "so when then?" She doesn't really want to know but, weirdly, she wants to torture herself by knowing.

"When did it happen?" He asks, just for clarification.

She nods, her tongue briefly darting out to wet her dry lips.

"When we were in Austin, in October. I know it's no excuse but we'd been out for something to eat after the race and we'd both been drinking... it just happened." He observes her closely, studying her pretty face. She's not crying and while she obviously doesn't look happy, her overall expression is hard to judge. "I've been thinking about telling you ever since you came back. I know I said open and honest communication is going to be key and I apply that to myself also so I think it's only fair to tell you this. Once she knew you were coming back with me, she decided to get a flight directly back to Germany."

Holly wants to sarcastically remark on how it was big of Hayley to fly back to her own place but she keeps quiet. Hayley's been a rock for Seb, a good friend and also a friend to herself too, especially the day she went into labour. She's all too aware of her own wrongdoings and it wouldn't be fair to say that.

"I know this sounds stupid but that night, I just needed someone," he continues, "I just needed to be touched and held..."

"And fucked!" she snaps, it's a small angry outburst followed by an unexpected sob as her eyes suddenly blur with tears.

"It was one night and I knew I'd made a massive mistake. I still feel terrible about it but it was just sex. I'm not back with Hayley and I'll never be getting back with her."

Her head is a mess, she wants to be angry with him, she wants to scream and shout, maybe slap him and call him all the names under the sun but she won't. Because all of this stems from her and the day she left, walking out and leaving him heartbroken with a small baby to care for. Even though she'd been ill, mentally, struggling with postnatal depression, this is all her fault. She drove him to it.

"Holly," he rounds the kitchen island to go to her, to see tears silently rolling down her cheeks is tearing him apart, "it was just sex. I know it doesn't make it right, what I did, but it was just sex. I just wanted to be touched and held and..." he pauses briefly, hesitant to say the next words, "...and loved. What I'm trying to get across is that ultimately it meant nothing and she could have been anyone."