The Surrogate

Australia

Sunday April 10th. Melbourne, Australia.

It's the early hours of the morning, nearly three AM, and Seb should be asleep but instead he's sitting up in bed with his hands on Holly's bump, feeling his daughter's nightly gymnastic session.

He's addicted to this feeling, addicted to experiencing her little hands or feet tapping lightly against his palm. He could literally spend hours at a time doing this but usually after about twenty to thirty minutes she tires and stills, probably falling back to sleep in the warm haven of Holly's tummy.

Over the last five nights this has become some kind of new little ritual. One where she will get out of her own bed and join him in his so that he can spend this precious time feeling his unborn daughter moving and talking to her as though she can hear and understand every word he says.

Tonight, when Holly entered his room, he was already awake and expecting her, having quickly got used to the time when his little girl does her nightly exercises. As usual, she can't understand what he's saying as he speaks softly in German to her rounded tummy but she doesn't mind, his voice is soothing and reminds her of happier times and it proves to her time and again just how wonderful a father this man will be.

He's laying on his side, propped up on an elbow with his lower legs poking out over the edge of the bed, his lips close to her skin as he talks to his daughter. When he feels her move he goes quiet and just focuses on the fluttery movements, feeling as though she's communicating back to him in her own little way. Then she goes quiet again and he sweeps his hand around Holly's tummy, his beautiful eyes following the path of his palm as if he's enchanted by her. His hand stills over her navel and he presses a tender kiss to her skin before bidding his daughter goodnight and telling her that he loves her, bringing this delightful little ritual to a close.

His heart still aches for Holly and he doesn't know when that will end but having this time with his baby girl every night is reminding him that better days will come, his much longed for child will soon be born into the big wide world and placed in his arms. She's helping him to heal from within the womb, piece by tiny piece, and she doesn't even know it.

Seb settles back down in the bed, pulling the duvet up over himself. He yawns, feeling ready to fall back to sleep, content now that he's had this time with his daughter. Next to him the bed moves as Holly gets up, letting her loose fitting, white t-shirt fall back down to conceal her tummy. He doesn't want her to leave, he hates sleeping alone and so he holds a hand out to her, quietly pleading her, "please stay, don't go."

The need in his voice makes her heart feel like it's being squeezed and so she agrees without hesitation and lifts the duvet up to slip in to bed beside him. She's actually glad of the invitation; at least for tonight she can lay here playing make believe that everything is perfect, that they're together again and about to become this idyllic little family of three. When they get up in around five hours time, her dream will disappear in a puff of smoke and she'll be back to being his friend again, his surrogate, and Hayley will be spending another day by his side, playing the dutiful girlfriend-to-be. And there's nothing she can or will do to stop that.

He turns onto his side and scoots closer to her, spooning himself around her, draping his arm lightly over her tummy, letting his hand rest against her bump. He kisses her shoulder, sleepily murmurs, "gute nacht," and closes his eyes, drifting away into a world where they're together and he's connected to her in every way possible.

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Seb lines up seventeenth on the grid after a difficult weekend so far. In the garage both Holly and Hayley stand side by side, anxiously awaiting the start of the race and praying for him to have some luck. Missing the first two races means that he's had less time in the car, less time to adjust to it than the others and there's a slight concern over his fitness after his nasty bout of the flu. It's the first time he'll have driven in full race conditions since the redesigned, new spec cars were launched.