The Surrogate

After Effects

Monday November 1st, London.

"You're quiet, is everything ok?" Ester is observing her friend with concern as they sit at their usual table in Costa. Holly has barely touched her slice of chocolate fudge cake or the blackforest hot chocolate, she looks like she's miles away.

"Yeh," she stares solidly at the centre of the table, unblinking. It kind of feels good to be without Sebastian, he's become something of a constant shadow since last week and has barely left her side but today he's driven up to Gaydon, near Silverstone, to spend the day at Aston Martin's F1 headquarters. In just a few days time they'll be flying from Heathrow to Mexico for his next race with a race in Brazil a week after that and he's asked her to travel with him as her period is due around the time of the Brazilian GP and he wants to be there when she does a pregnancy test. However, all she can think about right now is the sex they shared last week and how she went against all the guidelines. She's left herself open to potential heartache but she recklessly doesn't care, she'd gladly do it all over again. And if she's honest with herself she wishes that she could.

"Holly? Has something happened?" Ester is worried by her friend's quietness, it makes her think that something has happened, that things might not be too good between her and Seb. Maybe they had a disagreement while in Switzerland? Surrogacy can be a very intense as well as emotional experience so it's not uncommon for disagreements between the surrogate and the parents to occur.

"We had sex." Holly just blurts it out. She's been desperate for someone to confide in ever since it happened, to have someone else to talk to about it besides him and she can't go to the councillor who works for their agency because she shouldn't have had sex with Seb in the first place.

A cautious glance in Ester's direction sees her eyes nearly out on stalks and her chin almost on the table, "you did what?"

She counts down in her head, 5...4...3...

"Are you fucking mad? You've slept with him?!"

Holly flaps her hands and gives her friend a stern, "sshhhhh!" They both know that talking about a client's surrogacy plan is basically forbidden and doing it in a public place is even worse.

Ester slaps her hand across her eyes and groans, "oh Hols, really! You actually went there? I know you've got the feels for him but to take it this far?!"

"It's all part...." Holly pauses and shifts her chair closer to Ester's in order to be able to talk more quietly, "....it's part of our agreement. He asked if we could conceive naturally and I agreed."

"And did you agree as his surrogate or as his lover?" Ester asks with a raised brow.

"As his surrogate of course and I'll freely admit that when he first asked me I wasn't keen but this means a lot to him and I wanted to do this his way..."

"And your feelings never came into it, right?" She cuts Holly off, knowing that that's exactly what swayed her decision.

She looks around, no ones taking any notice of them but she still feels uncomfortable talking here. Seb is a very well known but intensely private man and she'd hate for the press to get wind of what he's doing. Talking here feels wrong and so she stands up, "let's get out of here, I can't talk here."

"But what about your cake and hot chocolate?" Ester looks forlornly at their sweet treats.

"I'm not hungry," she stoops to pick up her bag. Truth be told, she's kinda love sick and she's still battling to put her feelings for Seb to one side.

Half an hour later and they're both back at Holly's flat where it's safe to talk without being overheard. With two mugs of tea on the table in front of them they flop back onto the sofa and Holly tucks her legs underneath her.