The Surrogate

Breakthroughs

Sunday November 13th. London.

"Are you sure?" Imogen looks totally floored as Holly waves to catch the attention of a sales advisor in the Apple Store they're currently in, "it's such a lot of money."

"I'm sure," Holly smiles, "you said you were having problems with your phone and that the battery was getting worse, you need a new one." Inside she feels like she's glowing. The rush she's getting from doing this for her daughter is a welcome shot in the arm of happy endorphins, not to mention how it seems to feed the maternal part of her brain that takes immense pride from being able to buy Immy something she needs.

Immy stands quietly as her mum begins to explain how her daughter would like this phone in red, her favourite colour. She knows that her mum has money, she had a baby with Sebastian Vettel so she's bound to have money, but it still feels surreal that she's being bought the latest iPhone. While her adoptive parents would buy her a phone it was more for their peace of mind and it was never the latest model. Still, she was always grateful though.

"Why don't you go and pick yourself out a nice case and anything else you think you'll need for it," Holly suggests as the sales advisor disappears to get the requested phone.

"Are you sure?" Immy asks again, "you're already spending a lot."

Holly puts a hand on her daughter's shoulder, "don't worry, I can afford it and yes, I'm sure. You'll need a case so it doesn't get scratched in your bag."

Immy glances over to a wall that's lined with cases of varying colours. She's always fancied having a set of AirPods too but feels it would be wrong to ask for those when she's already having so much money spent on her.

As if her mum can read her mind, Holly suggests, "do you need a set of AirPods too? So you can listen to music or podcasts."

"If you're sure...." she really doesn't want her mum to feel like she's taking advantage of her generosity.

Holly gives a soft laugh and smiles, briefly running a hand affectionately down Immy's left cheek, "stop that, you need a new phone and I'm treating you. If you want a case and AirPods, then you can have them both."

She throws her arms around her mum and hugs her tightly, "thanks mum."

Mum. To hear Immy say that word feels... Holly's eyes fill with tears, happy tears. This feels like a breakthrough. Where that word would have once terrified her, now it feels.... good. It feels good and fills her with immense happiness and pride and a need to be a mother. It's crazy. Suddenly there's this need and maternal instinct that's stronger than she's ever felt before.

She suddenly notices that someone is looking her way and she quickly wipes under her eyes as Immy wanders off to look at accessories for her new phone. She reminds herself to take things slow, it's only the second time she's spent time with eldest daughter since they spoke on the phone a few weeks ago. She can still feel overwhelmed and pressured relatively quick but acknowledges that it's pressure she puts on herself.

Smiling softly, she watches Immy peruse the cases and unsurprisingly she picks out a red case that will match her new phone. Her mind briefly wanders back to Seb and Emilia. He'll soon be leaving for Abu Dhabi, for his final race of his final season and she can only imagine the mixture of feelings he must going through. Hes got so much to look forward to but at the same time, he must be feeling a little sad and possibly apprehensive about life post Formula One. Racing is pretty much all he's known since he was a child.

She's missing him so much and Emilia too and there's times over the past few weeks where she's been so tempted to call or message him and ask him for a photo of her. Last night, she'd even dreamed that she'd been back at his home in Switzerland, pregnant with his second child. Was it a sign? She really doesn't know but the idea of being the mother of his children is no longer the terrifying prospect that it used to be. Instead of feeling like she isn't capable or worthy of having more children of her own, she's beginning to feel more confident and like she'd be able to offer a lot to a third child and to her existing two as well. It's a far cry from her damaged mindset of a few months ago and proof that medication and regular sessions with her therapist have done wonders.